Fleshing out mask compliance

Marty Grabijas, Durango - 07/23/2020
To the editor,
I may have the perfect solution for mask enforcement in Durango.

We know through hubristic traits in outdoor endeavors that the one universal truth in altering behavior is that people would rather risk serious injury than be embarrassed.

When Governor Polis announced a mask ruling for all of Colorado, I read in a news release that business owners now have the same legal remedy against someone who is not wearing a mask, as someone who is naked in their establishment. I don’t know if that’s true, but bare with me.

I propose a brigade of those willing to get naked in Durango. This brigade would patrol downtown. When they encounter a non-mask wearing individual, they would strip down to just their mask and footwear, and follow the offender just inside of their personal space. Just enough to make them really uncomfortable until they sport a mask. Durango Business Improvement District may be the logical entity to spearhead this. It would give new meaning to their ambassadors “pressing the flesh” with our visitors.

With those visitors who are mask-abiding, it would be a simple matter of helping our valued visitors find the perfect lunch spot. No mask? Off comes the clothes. Once naked, the ambassadors would be a beacon, so that law enforcement could then come and issue a citation for noncompliance of mask regulations.

Now to keep this from attracting creeps to Durango in hopes that they would enjoy a peep show, we’d need to recruit those who are not Durango’s most attractive residents. Picture, if you will, an individual who has experienced too much sun exposure. Maybe their sun-beaten skin hangs off of their frame like wet cellophane (and before you flame me, I am approaching that demographic, so I speak from personal experience). Essentially, we want the aesthetic experience to be one of “You can’t unsee that.”

An unintended consequence? This would no-doubt be picked up by every news outlet on the planet. The simple act of taking one’s clothes off to make our community healthier could bring PR value that Visit Durango could only dream of.