SoapBox Combing over the dreadful truth

To the editor,

In response to the June 18 “La Vida Local” by Zach Hively, dreadlocks are from not “combing” your hair. Washing is optional, but encouraged. I threw away the comb in February 1985. Adopting your protocol would not only be gnarly gross but would have me banned from some fine, clean-loving Durango establishments. When KDUR resumes with live on-air DJs, jah willing, I am sure Bryant Liggett would be less welcoming to the station’s longest-running radio host I-turning to the throne with 35 years of grime as my crown.

I, too, practice the art of bathing by paddleboard in the pristine(?) waters of the River of the Lost Souls, but it just doesn’t seem to give me that dippity doo curl nor illustrious Pert shine. So off to the Vitamin Cottage I go, for once not posing as a bonafide customer while sneaking into Prohibition Herb for the latest high grade, instead I actually shop in the natural food store, while forgoing the inflatable SUP upgrade I dream of. Love your prose, but please wash it before wearing it.
P.S. Please don’t tell me I look like something from “the inside of your shower drain.”

– Dreadfully yours, Rasta Stevie