Ask Rachel

Interesting fact: You think public bathrooms are gnarly? Your toothbrush is as germy as that bathroom floor.

Interesting fact: Dentures do not get cavities. So when in doubt about your water supply, drink Coke.

Interesting fact: For every interesting fact I tell you, there’s a corresponding alternative fact. So just choose your own interesting facts and make them true, you crazy diamonds.

Interesting fact: I refused to participate in the upcoming inauguration ceremonies for two reasons: because I have morals, and because I was not invited.

Interesting fact: Overall smart dude Neil DeGrasse Tyson puts the odds at 50-50 that our entire existence is a computer simulation.

Interesting fact: 2017 is a prime number, so it will undoubtedly be unlike any two years before it.

Passing the dutchie on the righthand side, snot rockets and for the hearing impaired

Interesting fact: In Britain, they pass the dutchie on the right hand side.

Interesting fact: An open marijuana bar at your wedding would save you thousands of dollars over an open alcohol bar.

Interesting fact: Octopuses have two- thirds of their neurons in their arms. These arms think independently. They taste what they touch. They regrow after being cut off. And this is why you don’t Google on the company computer they feature prominently in Japanese erotica.

Interesting fact: If this week’s questions are any indication, then Friday is Noe?l Night – not to be confused with Sir ’an- ce’ot, the No-L Knight.

Interesting fact: Albert Einstein did not speak until he was 4 years old. Thus, his first great discovery, straight out of the womb, was a foolproof way to avoid dis- cussing politics at family Thanksgivings.

Interesting fact: We are running “The One Where Rachel Answers All the Thanks- giving Questions “a week early. That way, visiting mothers don’t read about their children’s true feelings about marshmallows in the newspaper. You’re welcome.

Interesting fact: I’m officially old enough to remember light-up sneakers, bipartisanship, and the Cubs winning the World Series.

Interesting fact: All future questions must refer to America’s moldiest jack-o’-lantern as the FORMER Republican presidential candidate!

Interesting fact: No one knows what the death of the universe will look like. But if you made it slutty, you’d have the end-all of Halloween costumes.

Interesting fact: Catharsis is the purgation of emotions through art. Catarrh is an excessive discharge of mucus in the nose or throat. Sometimes, they feel like the same thing.

Interesting fact: Leonardo da Vinci used a stand-up desk. So did Benjamin Franklin. Since World War I, both men have won as many World Series as the Chicago Cubs. 

Interesting fact: If you put a toad in boiling water, it jumps out. But if you put a toad in room temperature water and slowly bring it to a boil, then I’m pretty sure we can’t be friends.