Ask Rachel

Interesting fact: Sweat is odorless until it combines with the bacteria found on your skin. So it’s not you who stinks. It’s the petri dish in your armpit.

Interesting fact: Doesn’t it feel like the pumpkin spice latte has been around forever? Nope. It’s only 14 years old. So stop ogling it.

Interesting fact: Macy’s invented wedding registries in the 1920s. Before that, people still got married for some reason, even without the incentive of a new toaster oven. 

Interesting fact: Gorilla aggression is conveyed by a stern, fixed stare. Gorilla indifference is conveyed by not returning your phone calls. 

Interesting fact: Emily Post’s Etiquette, 17th Edition says you can wear white after Labor Day. Coco Chanel wore white year-round. So as long as your hood isn’t pointed, I say wear white whenever you please. 

Interesting fact: We are as far from Halloween as Halloween is from Christmas. Hold off on the decorations, alright?

Interesting fact: Autocorrect turns “vaping” to “vapid” – the definition of which is, “offering nothing that is stimulating or challenging; insipid.” Back in my day, we had neither autocorrect nor vaping. 

Interesting fact: “The moon is made of a greene cheese” was a popular proverb in 16th- and 17th-century English literature. Proverbs are meant to teach us fundamental morals, so it’s possible I’m doing morality all wrong. 

Interesting fact: There are enough dogs in the Durango area named Chaco. It’s time for some Mesa Verdes and Chimney Rocks. Come on, people. 

Interesting fact: The word “washateria” came into the English language around 1937. No word on why “laundromat” is now the preferred term of the self-service laundry community. 

Interesting fact: George Washington had coonhounds named Drunkard, Taster, Tipler and Tipsy. Trump is the only other president, other than James K. Polk, without a pet.

Interesting fact: In Japan, earwigs are called “Chinpo-Basami” or “Chinpo-Kiri,” which translates to “penis cutter.” On second thought, they can stay in my garden.

Interesting fact: We all know what “deaf,” “blind” and “mute” mean, but is there a word for people who can’t smell? Of course there is. It’s “anosmic.” But if you read up on it, you’ll hypochondriac yourself into having chronic meningitis and neurosyphilis. 

Interesting fact: The Supreme Court says it’s not a violation of constitutional rights to fly a drone at low altitude. But they still won’t allow my drone into the Great Hall.

Interesting fact: The bindel, aka a hobo’s blaket-stick, may hail from the German/ Yiddish word Bu?ndel. I point this out so that the newspaper’s typesetter has to scramble for an umlaut before press time.

Interesting fact: David Attenborough has 42 writer credits and 196 credits for appear- ing as “self,” but not a single one of them tells me what CAFO means. 

Interesting fact: The practice of citizen’s arrest dates back to medieval England, when sheriffs encouraged ordinary citizens to apprehend criminals. How’s that for hanging onto outdated imperialist dogma that perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society?

Interesting fact: There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin. But I discuss them anyway.