Ask Rachel

Interesting fact: There is pretty much no product that has not been emblazoned with Hello Kitty. Think about it.

Interesting fact: Mortarboards aren’t just for graduation they used to be worn by schoolteachers, until the mid-20th century. Because mortarboards don’t look at all silly, they certainly commanded respect from all those little twerps.

Interesting fact: Most graffiti laws are local, but a federal law prohibits railroad vandalism. If there were such a law against cartoonish penises, D.C. would look WAY different today.

Interesting fact: I tried to find out why we smoke cigars at weddings and other celebrations. But for the first time since I got bored with porn, the internet let me down.

Interesting fact: Many Mexican beers are in fact Austrian, dating to 19th century styles when Mexico was briefly headed by the Habsburg clan. Prost!

Interesting fact: I can’t be doing so badly, because I’m Rachel and you’re not.

Interesting fact: Even spring break is commercial. It started as a marketing ploy by Fort Lauderdale, which hosted the first College Coaches’ Swim Forum in 1938. #partyhard

Interesting fact: The chlorine in swimming pools is a form of bleach. Urine contains ammonia. Ergo, peeing in the pool violates the Geneva Protocol.

Interesting fact: Your brain processes 20 million pieces of information a second but retains only 20-40 of them. You know. Give or take.

Interesting fact: Octopuses have three hearts – one to pump blood through the body and the other two to push blood through the gills. Be still, my hearts.

Interesting fact: Niblings is the plural and/or gender-neutral word to describe nieces and nephews. It is not – NOT – a word I just made up.

Interesting fact: You think public bathrooms are gnarly? Your toothbrush is as germy as that bathroom floor.

Interesting fact: Dentures do not get cavities. So when in doubt about your water supply, drink Coke.

Interesting fact: For every interesting fact I tell you, there’s a corresponding alternative fact. So just choose your own interesting facts and make them true, you crazy diamonds.

Interesting fact: I refused to participate in the upcoming inauguration ceremonies for two reasons: because I have morals, and because I was not invited.

Interesting fact: Overall smart dude Neil DeGrasse Tyson puts the odds at 50-50 that our entire existence is a computer simulation.

Interesting fact: 2017 is a prime number, so it will undoubtedly be unlike any two years before it.