Ask Rachel

Interesting fact: I just did some insta-research, and many peach trees are self-pollinating. So my new favorite insult is to make like a peach tree and go eff yourself.

Interesting fact: A 6-foot balled-and-burlapped Christmas tree can weigh 250 pounds. Try bringing that down the chimney.

Interesting fact: “Eating crow” likely comes from our belief, extending at least to the Middle Ages, that eating carrion eaters is as repulsive as using a public restroom.

Interesting fact: The German dub of “Die Hard” gave the German terrorists English names. No one wants to think they’re the bad guy, huh?

Interesting fact: The early version of farolitos were actually little bonfires with 3-foot stacks of criss-crossed pin?on branches. Makes a live candle in a paper sack sound pretty fire-savvy, doesn’t it?

Interesting fact: Harrison Ford reportedly never signed a contract for the original three Star Wars movies. I won’t ask him to sign anything either, if he can promise me six good years (or even six good hours).

Interesting fact: It’s garlic – not onions – that ward off vampires. This magical protection likely has its roots (get it?) in historical times, when you can’t prove to me that vampires didn’t exist.

Interesting fact: Cranberry sauce wasn’t sold until 1912, and not on the mass market until the ’40s. More proof Thanksgiving is a sham!

Interesting fact: Halloween has its roots in an ancient holiday whose origins remain shrouded in cobwebs and mist. The hollow weenie jokes, however, originated as late as the 20th century.

Interesting fact: Hermit crabs often have symbiotic relationships with such creatures as anemones. However, this week’s hermits don’t seem to need such companionship.

Interesting fact: The original patent for the toilet paper roll indeed shows it unspooling from the top, you monsters.

Interesting fact: For all the differences in ingredients and styles and methods, the true distinguishing factor between muffins and cupcakes is frosting. Diehards out there swear a cupcake always has frosting. So what does that make a naked cupcake, hmm?

Interesting fact: I googled Interesting Facts about football telephones, and I learned instead (through that People Also Ask feature) that people also ask, “Were there phones in the ’80s?” and now I pretty much want to quit everything.

Interesting fact: Beyonce? is a contemporary pop culture reference for me, but her first solo album, “Dangerously in Love,” came out when Greta Thunberg (she who is now changing the world) was merely 5 months old.

Interesting fact: Grover Cleveland was both the 22nd and 24th president in U.S. history. So really, we haven’t had 45 presidents. We’ve had 44, and the entire American democratic experiment is a sham, and don’t say you never learned nothing in the DT.

Interesting fact: People like to blame Millennials for the demise of everything, but in my experience, boomers and X-ers are somehow way worse about both a) not leaving voicemails, and b) not leaving voicemails less than 3 minutes long.

Interesting fact: I read up on what defines kosher food, thinking I could have a concise, enlightening interesting fact for y’all. I was wrong, and now I need a nap.

Interesting fact: Prices fluctuate, but the typical aluminum can might net you 1.7 cents wherever scrap is bought. Buy 100 Cokes, get the next one free!