Doing the wave
Yes, doing the "courtesy stop" for a cyclist may seem like the nice thing to do – but please don't

The other day I was stopped at a stop sign on my bike at a decently busy intersection. At this particular intersection, the cross traffic perpendicular to me had the right of way, meaning no stop sign, stop light or any other indicator they should stop for any reason. As I waited for the traffic to clear, I caught eyes with a cute boy in a Subaru Outback who was about to drive in front of me through the intersection. He, however, decided not to pass in front of me and instead, stopped and waved at me to cross in front of him.

That was very cute of him, and in any other scenario, I would have maybe said thanks, batted my eyelashes and gone to say hi. But in this scenario, I had to let him go. Other cars were starting to pile up behind him, and one gave a little honk. The situation was getting stressful, so I smiled and waved at him, gesturing for him to keep going. He did have the right of way, after all. 

But the cute boy just kept smiling and waving at me to go, even though I did not have the right of way. So, in return, I smiled and waved even harder for him to go, and then he waved even harder for me to go. Then we were both frowning at each other and violently waving our arms as the other cars were honking and driving fast toward the intersection and adding to the chaos. 

Finally, the cute boy gave in. He threw his hand up in defeat and shook his head in annoyance at me, because I refused his kind gesture that would have me crossing the intersection in front of oncoming traffic. My dreams of an intersection meet cute had vanished, and I actually felt bad for what had transpired. I know he was trying to be kind, and I’m sure if I did leap across the intersection as soon as he waved me through, I would have been safe, and other cars would not have gotten involved. I’m sure then, later, he and I would run into each other – at a party or something – and we would recognize each other from across the crowded room. He would wave me over, and I would say “thanks for stopping,” and he would say, “no problem,” and we would fall madly in love and wave and smile at each other forever. 

But that did not happen. 

What did happen was a very dangerous non meet cute, and it is also known as an “illegal courtesy stop.” Yes, he was being kind, sweet and courteous, but in that situation, it was actually unsafe for me (and also him) to create this unpredictable situation on a busy roadway. And, fun fact: it is also, as the non-official name suggests, against the law.

Dubbed in slang as the “illegal courtesy stop,” this kind of stopping in the middle of the roadway to let a cyclist pass who does not have the right of way is illegal for the same reason that randomly stopping your car in the middle of a road for anything other than a hazard is also illegal. It creates havoc, danger and annoyances. 

For example, imagine you are riding your bike, trying to cross Camino del Rio where there is no crosswalk, stoplight or stop sign. Imagine the closest-to-you oncoming car stops and waves at you to cross. I bet the oncoming car in the next lane doesn’t see you. They have no other indicators they should stop, and so they keep going. You, however, already started crossing and don’t see the oncoming car. 

At the same time, the car coming up behind the stopped car isn’t, realistically, paying much attention, and just like that other driver, doesn’t see any reason to be aware a stopped car in front of them. So, they rear end the stopped car. 

The illegal courtesy stop is particularly confusing in Durango, because we’re pretty good at enforcing pedestrian crossing right of ways, specifically downtown. But this is one of those cases where, although both pedestrians and cyclists are vulnerable road users, we should not treat cyclists as pedestrians. For everyone’s safety, cyclists should be treated like cars. Crystal clear? 

I get the confusion and frustration. And in my dream world, yes, we would all yield to cyclists and pedestrians in every scenario. Our laws and infrastructure would be catered toward bicycles and pedestrians, not cars. And cute boys would always stop to let me cross safely and give me their numbers and take me to dinner, and we’d tell all our friends about our meet cute and how I convinced him to stop driving his car and start commuting by bike instead. 

But until that happens, maybe we can just wave from afar and keep on going.

Jennaye Derge is the executive director of Bike Durango, a local bicycle advocacy and education nonprofit organization.