How to Snowdown Like a Local
A LOCAL'S GUIDE TO STAYING ANNONYMUS

How to Snowdown Like a Local
JENNAYE DERGE - 01/23/2020

I could give or take Halloween. It’s a holiday that I generally approach half-heartedly and usually only a day or two in advance. When the clock starts ticking on the eve of, I’ll open up my closet and try to find some ensemble that would sort of maybe resemble...something (my name to fame is carrying a table lamp and calling myself a one night stand). Yes, it’s a cop out, yes I get an “F” for effort, but I do it every year and yes, I would consider being a one night stand again.

It’s true, Halloween is a bit hollow for me, but for some gosh-darned reason, I freaking love Snowdown.

Snowdown is sort of like Halloween on steroids so I guess it’s not so strange that I love it more in comparison. The fact of the matter is that Durango’s mid-winter dress up week is way better than some sugar-induced ghost and goblin day anyway.

Snowdown is four full days when drinking from breakfast to dinner (and beyond) is totally acceptable, if not encouraged. Every day is chalked full of fun events; games, races, competitions. All week people are laughing, cheering, screaming at things such as Mario and Luigi riding mechanical bulls. Grown adult men are wearing fake breasts and racing around on tiny trike bikes. One year I cheered on an elderly man twerking in a gold thong and another year I found myself on the stage with drag queens and air guitarists.

It’s total mayhem and I love it, but what really sets Snowdown apart for me is that I, and everyone else, can spend a week in various forms of anonymity. I can put on a wig and lipstick and cheer on my dentist who is wearing fake boobs and riding around on a tiny bike. I can hop on the mechanical bull in my Mario costume while my city councilor waits in line behind me and the beauty of it all is that none of us will ever know the wiser. We don’t recognize each other under our alien costumes which means we can be whoever we want to be and do whatever we want to do. It means we can freely drink cocktails during the breakfast-time mini golf and then stuff ourselves into a porta potty at noon
and still face our bosses with dignity the next day. It means we can casually bump into that guy we forgot to call last week in the bathroom line and all we have to do under blue wigs and purple lipstick is smile and not have to give an explanation for why it’ll never work out. For four days, we don’t have to tiptoe around each other and when we do see our mayor tilt one back on the catwalk during the 11AM Fashion Do’s and Don’ts, we can all cheer and laugh along with her before we rub our lipstick off and then go back to our regularly scheduled meetings on Monday.

How to Snowdown Like a Local

First, and at the last minute, nd the perfect costume to render yourself unrecognizable.
Animas Trading Company, The Sparrow, ReRuns, Second Time Around, La Plata County Humane Society Thrift Store

Start off the of official Rock’n Snowdown week by dancing next to your boss
at Derailed Pour House during their annual Snowdown Costume Contest on Wednesday. That is, after you told each other you “weren’t feeling well” and you “might have to go home” just a few hours before.

Next, go to 11th Street Station for a round of Butt Darts and partner up with that girl who didn’t call you back. Make sure to give her a high five at the end to ensure she knows it’s you, and to make sure she knows how awesome you really are.

Then, grab your cute neighbor that you’ve always been too shy to talk to and invite them to compete in the Wing Eating Contest at Animas City Theatre on Thursday. Sit directly across the table from him/her and stare them in the eyes the entire time you’re scarfing down those wangs. Never lose eye contact. Write your number on a napkin when you’re done and throw it at them, Rock Star Style.

Go nuts on Friday, but remember to slow down and get some food at Fired Up Pizzeria. Just kidding! Enter into Fired Up’s Drink Up Relay and drink your lunch. At this point of Snowdown, it doesn’t even matter who your team members are. Grab the closest people; it could be your ex, it could be your college professor. Don’t ask their names, you’ll never remember.

Saturday go to Local First’s fundraiser, Snowdown Rock’n Date Auction at The Garage and put yourself up for auction. No one will really recognize you in your rock’n hot David Bowie wig any way and you’ll hopefully meet people who aren’t your boss, your ex, your ex boss, or the guy you stared at in the eyes while you both devoured chicken wings.

Wake up on Sunday with black lipstick smeared across your face. Is it yours? Maybe. Leave it that way for the Rock and Roll affect. Meet up with a group of people you think look like your friends to play the Outlaw Jose Pete’s Golf Tournament hosted by Animas Wine & Spirits and The Bookcase & Barber.

Finish the whole week off by watching your yoga instructor win an award at the Building a Bong Award ceremony at Prohibition Herb. Go home, wipe your makeup off, put your rock and roll out t permanently away and never speak about your Snowdown week to anyone. Ever.

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