The yocal
How to navigate social distancing like a local

The yocal
Jennaye Derge - 03/18/2020

How to navigate social distancing like a local

We know Durango is full of antsy super social superhumans who are invincible and immune to everything, but this isn’t about you anymore; it’s time to cocoon you buffoon!
 
Bored? Suck it up. There are so many better things to do than unknowingly carry around a virus that could send someone into an already clogged hospital with an overextended staff.

 

Try: Building a pyramid with your empty toilet paper tubes, write a love poem to your significant other. If you’re single, now is a great time to work on those pickup lines, or work on yourself. Write a letter to your BFF, your senator, your dog. Marie Kondo your shit. When did solitaire go out of style? Play that. Go outside, jump rope, play hop scotch, walk aimlessly. Whatever you do, though, don’t cut bangs! You will regret it.

Lonely? Sign up for a dating app. Be extra cautious of those people who say they love to travel. Wanderlust is no longer a turn on; it’s now a carrier of a disease. If you decide to meet up with your match, it’s Catholic school rules – 6 feet apart!! And no touching!! You might as well cut your bangs and stay single.

Hungry? Or still bored? Or both: Most of our beloved food establishments are offering take-out or delivery options. Remember you’re saving up some cash by not going out all the time, you crazy party animals. Use that cash to help out the local business that you want to survive. Buy a gift card to use later. Maintain your memberships, take advantage of having things be delivered to you; meals, books, clothes, art supplies! What a crazy time to be alive! Many businesses are drowning during this freeze, but they are also coming up with fun ways to help you help them help you. Need someone to talk to? Call your favorite local businesses and ask them what you, as a loving and concerned member of our community, can do to help them out during these rough times. Ask them about special offerings. Ask them how they are doing. Ask them if their refrigerator is running. But then hang up. They have a lot going on and can’t spend all day on the phone with you.

Still going out? Even though you absolutely shouldn’t? Then you’re dead to me!! Just kidding. Wash your hands, use common sense (plus some), but also, while you’re out, ask your neighbor or friend if they need anything from the store It’s nice and the less people are out and about, the better!

Lastly, you’ve been told to basically become a hermit on an island, but don’t forget the other hermits. Remember, this isn’t about you. Be nice, don’t go crazy, and share the toilet paper.

-With localista love, Jennaye Derge