This Week's Sign of the Downfall

Tuck Your Balls, Son

It shouldn’t surprise you that Tucker Carlson tans his testicles. Right? That slack-jaw look he maintains throughout every episode of his Russian-backed BS is obviously a side effect of genitalia radiation. He has mentioned the subject not once, but a pair of times, and in a trailer for a Tucker Carlson Originals episode, there’s an image of a naked man standing spreadeagle with his nuts in a red-light therapy contraption. However, what should surprise you is the same thing that surprised me: Tucker Carlson has balls?