Ask Rachel

Drinking the Kool-Aid, squeaky clean & bad batch
Drinking the Kool-Aid, squeaky clean & bad batch
09/14/2023

Interesting fact: Oils and dirt still build up on a bald scalp, so you should still use a dollop of shampoo on that light bulb. 

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What's love got to do with it and merging disfunction
What's love got to do with it and merging disfunction
09/07/2023

Interesting fact: Time magazine has a whole archival article to explain that absolutely no one understands where the tennis scoring system came from.

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No filter, side hustling and more like Martha
No filter, side hustling and more like Martha
08/31/2023

Interesting fact: Even at its worst level of performance, an indoor HEPA filter can capture 99.97% of airborne particles. No word on how that compares to my automotive air filter.

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Sugar fixated, hockey on meth and boring dogs
Sugar fixated, hockey on meth and boring dogs
08/24/2023

Interesting fact: Until the pandemic, Halloween candy season typically lasted six weeks. Now it’s 10 or 12. At least Covid gave us this one good thing.

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What would Jeeves do, hot stuff and rack envy
What would Jeeves do, hot stuff and rack envy
08/17/2023

Interesting fact: Colorado Revised Statute 42-3-202 is pretty unambiguous: “A person shall not operate a motor vehicle with an affixed device … that causes all or a portion of a license plate to be unreadable.” No word on what happens if you’re NOT a person.

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That smell, pulling teeth and junk foodie
That smell, pulling teeth and junk foodie
08/10/2023

Interesting fact: Scents fire straight into our limbic system, the parts of our brain directly correlated with emotion and memory. Too bad I never used odors to cram for my exams.

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Getting high, X-hausted and high-end Hespie
Getting high, X-hausted and high-end Hespie
08/03/2023

Interesting fact: There is no formula for determining a hilly city’s elevation. We simply pick a spot and measure it. Durango should have picked the Tele offices, just to refresh the number every so often.

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Lady cab driver, bait & ship, and cheap talk
Lady cab driver, bait & ship, and cheap talk
07/27/2023

Interesting fact: Mr. Rogers reportedly responded to every letter he received – from 50 to 100 a day. You should be happy I answer three a week.

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Striking out, bad-old days & parental puttering
Striking out, bad-old days & parental puttering
07/20/2023

Interesting fact: The longest Hollywood writers strike was 153 days in 1988. The worst was undoubtedly in 2007-08, which: a) cut short “30Rock” and b) brought back “The Apprentice."

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Blowing it, rocket man and no boundaries
Blowing it, rocket man and no boundaries
07/13/2023

Interesting fact: For several days in the Great Depression, the Colorado governor publicly proposed building a border wall with New Mexico, presumably somewhere between the “You’re leaving Colorado” sign and the “Welcome to New Mexico” one.

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App-aholics, birds of play and snakes alive
App-aholics, birds of play and snakes alive
06/29/2023

Interesting fact: Vin Diesel, voice actor, recorded all his own lines for “Guardians of the Galaxy” in 15 different languages. No word on which one was sexiest.

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Banana-rama, proud moms and the last straw
Banana-rama, proud moms and the last straw
06/22/2023

Interesting fact: One banana contains 3 grams of fiber (roughly 1/10 of the daily need), 100 calories (1/20 of the regular recommended intake) and one banana peel, which, let’s be frank, won’t get stepped on for a laugh near as often as you grew up thinking would happen. 

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Melan-MIA, plugging in and best pot shop name ever
Melan-MIA, plugging in and best pot shop name ever
06/15/2023

Interesting fact: The first recorded use of earplugs is in the Odyssey, when the ship’s crew blocks their ears against the siren song. So they deflect not only loud noises, but unwanted relationships, too.

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Ditching dictionaries and dysfunction junction
Ditching dictionaries and dysfunction junction
06/08/2023

Interesting fact: The Air Force has completely denied that it ran an AI simulation where the simulated AI drone killed its simulated human operator. This, of course, means that the Air Force absolutely certainly did not run such a simulation.

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Going for the burn and Boebertgate
Going for the burn and Boebertgate
06/01/2023

Interesting fact: It seems, for most people, 10-20 minutes of sunshine a day are ideal for getting vitamin D without the risk of excessive sun damage. So basically, pumping up my paddleboard is my upper limit on a lake day.

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Going au naturel, angry birds and picking a bone(r)
Going au naturel, angry birds and picking a bone(r)
05/25/2023

Interesting fact: Viagra rakes in about $500 million a year. The nursery greenhouse industry? $16 billion. Guess we know how folks really get their rocks off.

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Off the couch, pickle ear and low-landers
Off the couch, pickle ear and low-landers
05/18/2023

Interesting fact: OK, I did not realize that severe altitude sickness can cause brain swelling and fluid to fill your lungs. Please disregard all my medical opinions and advice, especially if you’re inclined to trust me on these things. 

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Branding my a** and 'Friends' fallout
Branding my a** and 'Friends' fallout
05/11/2023

Interesting fact: Real vanilla extract is valuable. Fake vanilla flavoring often comes (seriously) from a goo from a beaver’s butt. Look it up: castoreum. Then try to pretend “vanilla” is an insult.

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Burkinis, not a latté & philanderer or philanthropist?
Burkinis, not a latté & philanderer or philanthropist?
05/04/2023

Interesting fact: Aheda Zanetti designed the first burkini as activewear for Muslim women. I have nothing funny to say about her. She’s my hero, and I want one.

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Anti-ant, in the cards and kinda Kermit
Anti-ant, in the cards and kinda Kermit
04/27/2023

Interesting fact: The first Kermit was made out of Jim Henson’s mother’s old jacket and his own blue jeans. He wasn’t even a frog. So don’t talk to me about not rebooting beloved characters.

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