Ask Rachel

Pie holes, moment of silence and clean breaks
Pie holes, moment of silence and clean breaks
12/05/2024

Interesting fact: A commercial pecan has to be cleaned, sized, sterilized, cracked and shelled before being sold. Makes me feel fortunate that I have only to be proofread – if even that.

 

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Time warp, frank incensed and adulting
Time warp, frank incensed and adulting
11/28/2024

Interesting fact: In “Home Alone,” Macaulay Culkin had a 30-year-old stunt double. I’d like one of those to handle all my adulting stunts, please. 

 

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'70s slapping, dental dilemma and a new waste of time
'70s slapping, dental dilemma and a new waste of time
11/21/2024

Interesting fact: Two L.A. Dodgers, Glenn Burke and Dusty Baker, are credited with inventing the high five in October 1977. Burke was also the first openly gay MLB player. I want to weaponize this Interesting Fact against every conservative family member this Thanksgiving – after high fiving them, of course. 

 

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Cat fights, parking pass and deworming
Cat fights, parking pass and deworming
11/14/2024
Interesting fact: Non-recognition aggression is when cats don’t know who their friends are after their friends go to the vet or get a bath. It’s also what I feel when I look at my family during the holidays.
 
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Creepy tips and behind the covers
Creepy tips and behind the covers
11/07/2024

Interesting fact: Seven percent of so-called adult Americans claim that they do not tip at all. Pretty sure every one of them sat in my section back in the day.

 

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Getting salty, awkward accents and freedom of stickers
Getting salty, awkward accents and freedom of stickers
10/31/2024

Interesting fact: Adults need about 1-2 grams of salt per day to function properly. You might need a larger pinch than that to take with my advice.

 

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The two-day rule, closet closeness and PSLoser
The two-day rule, closet closeness and PSLoser
10/17/2024
Interesting fact: Starbucks finally introduced (a minuscule amount of) pumpkin puree to their PSLs in 2015. Gourd for them.
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Lost booty, survey says and hot & moth-ered
Lost booty, survey says and hot & moth-ered
10/10/2024

Interesting fact: The most expensive earrings in the world sold at auction for more than $57 million. Maybe don’t pawn those if you find them.

 

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Creepy veep, wrung out and exercising restraint
Creepy veep, wrung out and exercising restraint
10/03/2024

Interesting fact: The first washing machine was invented in the 1760s, and I’m pretty sure you can still get a dinged one at Home Depot if you know who to ask.

 

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Cold comfort, car nanny, and shut up and hike
Cold comfort, car nanny, and shut up and hike
09/26/2024

Interesting fact: Car insurance tracking apps can reportedly track how often you use your phone while driving. I like this for every single person on the road but me.

 

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Tool vulture, avoiding the NPCs and rice or wrong
Tool vulture, avoiding the NPCs and rice or wrong
09/19/2024
Interesting fact: Properly and promptly cooled rice and other grains are still safe to eat as leftovers, according to Consumer Reports. I didn’t know the magazine was for consumers of starch, but hey.
 
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RV revenge, copping out and feeding frenzy
RV revenge, copping out and feeding frenzy
09/12/2024

Interesting fact: According to AAA’s stats, Labor Day domestic travel was up 9% this year over last. Undoubtedly, every bit of it was obnoxiously long and intentionally slow RVs.

 

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Fake empathy, chasing cars and mob mentality
Fake empathy, chasing cars and mob mentality
09/05/2024

Interesting fact: I once nearly lost a friendship because my idiot friend refused to admit that it’s “cramp my style” and not “crimp my style,” unless your style is a pie crust. 

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Birthday boy, DNC letdown and lackluster library
Birthday boy, DNC letdown and lackluster library
08/29/2024

Interesting fact: Jonathan Swift’s proposal was for the poor to sell their children as food to the rich. I wonder what Taylor’s proposals would look like.

 

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D&D dropout, ranger danger & social insecurity
D&D dropout, ranger danger & social insecurity
08/22/2024
Interesting fact: The USPS is offering Dungeons & Dragons stamps, which means the nerds are now officially, governmentally recognized, federally sanctioned mainstream. 
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Corn hole gold, going big and pet peeves
Corn hole gold, going big and pet peeves
08/15/2024
Interesting fact: New Olympic sports in 2028 include squash – but not pickleball. The interesting fact is that I can find no reason for ball-and-racquet sports to be named after garden produce.
 
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Pool pee, misguided ETAs, and remastering
Pool pee, misguided ETAs, and remastering
08/08/2024
Interesting fact: Olympic swimmers have gone public with what we’ve all suspected: they pee in the pool. I guess if any one of them is on performance enhancers, they all are.
 
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Sick thoughts, charity lunch and well off
Sick thoughts, charity lunch and well off
08/01/2024
Interesting fact: All the “speak English good” websites I can find say “be well” is a perfectly friendly way to say goodbye. Maybe I am the unfriendly one.
 
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Rachel for veep, Mix Master 550 & soap scumbag
Rachel for veep, Mix Master 550 & soap scumbag
07/25/2024
Interesting fact: The Talking Heads song “Road to Nowhere” is, in David Byrne’s words, “a song that presented a resigned, even joyful look at doom.” Ah, an anthem for our times.
 
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Inbox fantasies, benevolent raccoons and star-stuck
Inbox fantasies, benevolent raccoons and star-stuck
07/18/2024

Interesting fact: The Milky Way is about 100,000 light-years across, 1,000 light-years thick, and a million emails deep. 

 

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