Top scooper, republi-cant's & work-life imbalance

Dear Rachel,

Spring break is coming soon for Durango kids, and the dog trails are open, but there is  way too much dog doo-doo to be seen. How about the City has a contest to see who picks up the most and give them $100 or whatever? Clean up for fun and get some money while getting in a nice walk on the trail. I think your bark will help the cause. Oh, ask City Market to donate the bags as a tax write-off for them.

– John Crapper

Dear Bag Man,

I like your idea, but man, that contest would be way too easy to rig. All I’d have to do… erm, I mean all someone totally hypothetical would have to do would be to start walking her dog on the trail, but like the north end, and toss all the sculptures just off the trail. Then, come back on contest day and collect the bounty. Bonus points for bringing full bags that I’ll start stealing from my neighbor’s rolling trash can the moment this contest gets announced.

– Eyes on the prize, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Tennessee passed a law that drag shows cannot be performed on public property, as this is bad for minors to see. What a joke. What’s next? No white blues music? No white people dancing with Black people in Tennessee? By the way, who went to see the drag shows and then passed the law? Must have been the GOP lawmakers. Tennessee lawmakers must think no one is LGBTQ in Tennessee. Your Hollywood thoughts?

– Stormy Spanials

Dear Jackie O’nasty,

Oh, Tennessee lawmakers know full well that there are LGBTQ people in Tennessee. They think they can legislate them into compliance. (Either that, or exodus.) But they have no idea just how many obstacles a whole lot of drag queens and drag kings have had to overcome in life just to get to where they can express themselves in drag. If they think some repressed conservative pricks are going to stop them, then I can’t wait to see the eventual drag show in the state capitol building.

– Get it, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

My friends and I have a debate. Which is the better gig: an 8-5 job on site where you really only work two to three hours a day? Or, a full-time job working from home but you actually have to pull down your eight hours? There’s no consensus, and this is actually getting quite contentious. 

– Working Class

Dear Job Lesson,

I got your beat: take on the kind of work (from home, duh) that you can put off until the last minute, so that you get it done in a fraction of the time after having an entire day to do whatever you please. Welcome to my life. It’s pretty great, but even I think the grass is greener. You want to know what I aspire to? Whatever Mr. Crapper up there does for a living, getting to sit around and think up genius ideas to beautify the city all day long.

– Punching the clock, Rachel