Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

Of all the college degrees in all the world, the one that makes the least sense to me is a master’s in poetry. It is more useless than a degree in art history, or in French. Those at least have some depth. But why do people need years of highlevel study to understand 16 lines of verse? Explain poetry to me, please, before my daughter goes off to grad school this fall.

- Poet? Don’t Know It

Dear Wordsworthless,

You want me to explain to you an entire discipline, the densest and sparsest and oldest literary art form in the world, in less than 100 words? This is merely a newspaper advice column; it’s hardly up to the task. If you want to understand how the world works, in less space than it takes to write a grocery list, then you, my friend need poetry. Does that help?

– Let me count the ways, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

Here’s a critical question for you: Why is carpeting done the way it is, with all these layers of foam and padding and everything that you can never access to clean? It’s like wearing underwear under pants you can never take off. I ask this question because the more pertinent question, regarding a puppy’s juicy accident, will be moot (I hope) by the time this question goes to print.

– Carpet Quandary

Dear Rugged Individual,

Carpet is the devil’s way of entering our hearts and homes. It seems harmless enough, right? But you can NEVER clean it. Do you know how much not-dead-enough bacteria live in your carpet? Neither did I, til I looked it up (see above). And that doesn’t mention dead skin cells, pollen, and your dog’s clearinghouse. Tear it up. Tear it all up. Even if you’re renting, tear it ALL up.

– Besides, it doesn’t even match the drapes, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I’m in a predicament. I found what seems to be the Durango dream – free rent. But nothing’s ever really free. The house is offered in exchange for caretaking it. This could be easy peasy – call the plumber every now and again, mow the lawn, ta da! Or it could be a nightmare job: mutant rodents in the walls, no foundation whatsoever, yada yada. How can I weight the value of not paying rent against possibly giving up all my spare time?

– Mr. Fix It

Dear Resident Handyman,

Are you feeling lucky, punk? Because you’re gambling either way here. Nothing I can say will help you look inside those walls to see what you’re up against. Nothing I can do will determine your future house hassles, except that every house is a hassle. But you can ask one big question of the homeowners that will set you on the right course. If Montezuma ever took his revenge on a dog on the premises, hard pass. Nothing is worth that headache.

– Know when to fold ’em, Rachel

Top Shelf

Stay calm and folk on
Stay calm and folk on
By Chris Aaland
09/03/2020

KSUT streams virtual Four Corners Folk Festival this Friday
 

The father of folk
The father of folk
By Chris Aaland
08/27/2020

Remembering Pagosa festival founder Dan Appenzeller

 

Remembering two singing cowboys
Remembering two singing cowboys
By Chris Aaland
07/09/2020

More than a century ago, Ada Habershon and Charles Gabriel wrote what would become one of the most popular Christian hymns of all-time, “Will the Circle Be Unbroken.”

A secret mission
A secret mission
By Chris Aaland
06/25/2020

Gather the backyard 'quaranteam' for reimagined community concerts

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

A Grand escape
A Grand escape
By Stephen Eginoire
11/19/2020

Pandemic fatigue? Forget the world with three weeks on the Colorado

The living museum
The living museum
By Stephen Eginoire
10/15/2020
A day at the beach
A day at the beach
By Stephen Eginoire
06/18/2020

What does one do when their favorite summer swimming hole is teeming with reptilian and amphibian aquatic life?

Soaking it up
Soaking it up
05/21/2020
Read All in Day on the Life