Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

Every time I think it can’t get worse, it gets worse. I just learned about the painting Trump commissioned for the Oval Office that shows him as the center of adoration at a cocktail party with all the other Republican presidents, including the back of Lincoln’s head. Even Nixon looks happy to be there. This should disturb me because of the sitting prez’s egomaniacal nature, but mostly, the painting is just in poor taste. What can I, as a concerned citizen, do about this atrocity in the White House?

– Art Critic

Dear Blinded,

I looked up this painting after your letter. I could suggest you create a Molotov cocktail with paint thinner instead of fire, but I believe one can get arrested for suggesting such things, so I won’t. But this painting deserves the Banksy shredder treatment, minus the cool factor. It’s worse than the dogs playing poker. It’s worse than the anatomically correct family portraits my little sister used to draw. Everyone looks way too happy to be there, and Trump’s head is stuck on some poor Chippendale’s body. There’s nothing we can do; this is worse than The Handmaid’s Tale.

– Averting my eyes, O Lord, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

Tis the season when my friends are lobbying me to write letters to the editor for their preferred political candidates. I just don’t get it. Why does anyone write a letter to the editor when they could write a letter to you instead?

– Rachel 4 Sheriff

Dear Suckup,

Probably because the editor (usually) runs the letters without running answers to them. Political people (usually) don’t want rebuttals. And in fairness, I (usually) don’t actually answer the questions asked of me. But you’re right about one thing: I just don’t know what that one thing is.

– For trust and democracy and a brighter future, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I’m tired of the “clothing optional” euphemism for “totally raving buck naked.” There are certain hot springs and spas that tout themselves as “clothing optional,” but all that really does is turn the critical eye away from the nudists and onto those of us with modesty and other valid reasons to remain suited. Can’t we just have distinct places for “clothing” and “seriously no one wants to see that”?

– Naked and Afraid

Dear Prude,

Do I seriously have to point out to you that you’re advocating for a “separate but equal” doctrine? We all have bodies, and we have enough shaming of said bodies without you criticizing the people who want to seize one of the rare opportunities in this world to be naked outside the house. Get over it. I mean, if people offend you so much, do clothes really make a difference? I haven’t seen a single naked Republican, president or otherwise, and I love them no more for it.

– Letting my freak flags fly, Rachel

Top Shelf

Annual drinking of the green & festival season rundown
Annual drinking of the green & festival season rundown
By Chris Aaland
03/14/2019

All aboard the Shamrock Express! The Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad hosts a St. Patty’s Day train to Cascade Canyon from 9:45 a.m. ‘til 3 p.m. Sunday. Irish beer and drink specials abound, with BREW Pub & Kitchen crafting a special Irish red beer for the occasion.

A special spot in tarp heaven
A special spot in tarp heaven
By Chris Aaland
03/07/2019

Scott Spencer was my festival brother. Back in the late ’90s, as Shelly and I had just started making an annual Telluride Bluegrass pilgrimage the centerpiece of our lives, we threw our sleeping bags down next to Scott and his wife, Sara, in the Front of the Line, and a lifelong friendship was born.

Local talent, son of Marley & the Cape Breton sound
Local talent, son of Marley & the Cape Breton sound
By Chris Aaland
02/28/2019

These are great times for local music. In recent weeks, new records by Afrobeatniks and StillHouse Junkies have dropped, and they’re not just keepsakes for friends and family members

Indie rock'n'roller, uptown jazz and math rock
Indie rock'n'roller, uptown jazz and math rock
By Chris Aaland
02/21/2019

When did you first discover Martha Scanlan? For me, it was around 2001, when her old-time bluegrass outfit, Reeltime Travelers, began appearing on the festival circuit, playing the old Silverton Jubilee, the Durango Bluegrass Meltdown, Telluride Bluegrass and RockyGrass.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Hope springs eternal
Hope springs eternal
By Stephen Eginoire
03/14/2019

Chlorophyll makes a triumphant return to the Animas Valley! Yes, green pigment never looks as green as when the first leaves emerge from the icy depths of winter.

Tierra Encantada
Tierra Encantada
By Stephen Eginoire
03/07/2019

It’s not difficult to find authentic culture here in the Southwest. Colored by Native, Hispanic and Spanish influence, the spectrum of people who are deeply connected to this region runs thicker than a muddy Rio Grande.

Sands of time
Sands of time
By Stephen Eginoire
02/28/2019

The erosional oddities of Bisti/De-Na-Zin Wilderness located south of Farmington attract desert lovers from near and far to explore its desolate nooks and crannies.

Earth tones
Earth tones
By Stephen Eginoire
02/21/2019

Tired of looking at harsh, reflective white? Then feast your eyes on the gentler, subtler hues of winter. For most, winter brown is an acquired taste.

Read All in Day on the Life