Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I found a dog in the middle of nowhere this past weekend. He’s a snuggle monster and really gentle. But he had no collar, no chip, he hasn’t been neutered, and he was on the freaking highway. What are my obligations to find his negligent home before the statute of limitations wear out and I can just keep him forever already?

– Dog House

Dear Snuggle Victim,

Did you post a lost-and-found ad on the Middle of Nowhere’s Craigslist page? I think that’s all you have to do, morally speaking. I mean, if the dog was on the highway without any identification, you really don’t want him going back there. Besides, I did some quick research for you, and in the state of Colorado you’re considered a stray dog’s owner after you care for him for 72 hours. So if you kept your trap shut, you should be free and clear.

– Congratulations, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I love Airbnb when I travel. But I think the review process is a sham. You just know that a certain percentage of people treat their rented quarters like it’s a hotel party after the Oscars in the ’80s. But never – and I mean NEVER – do I read a review that describes unidentifiable substances running down the walls and forgotten coke spilled across the bathroom floor. Who’s keeping secrets here?

– Worldly Traveler

Dear Renter’s Wrong,

I like to think better of humanity than you do, perhaps. Whereas a hotel room is a sterile, emotionless box where the artwork is drilled to the wall, Airbnbs are people’s homes, furnished with all the junk that they don’t want in their own homes anymore. When you enter these places, you tend to respect them. Which is why guests tend to treat them unlike their own homes. That, and they also charge a cleaning fee.

– Please rate me five stars, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Why do people think they’ll change anyone’s mind by calling them names? I’m referring to some recent political letters in this very paper, but it holds true in general in any context. No one has ever gone, “Hey! You called me an igno-ant, heartless a-hole because I think the way I think ... and you have a point. You’ve converted me to your way of thinking, which I previously also thought was ignorant, heartless, and a-hole-ish!” Let’s get back to civil discourse, eh?

– Golden Rule

Dear Dickweed,

Just kidding! That probably wasn’t the way to get you to listen to my answer, huh? The truth of the matter is that most people out there in the world are hungry,  angry, irritated or they just lost their dog after someone stole him from the highway. We really don’t know what other people are thinking when they react in any given moment. That said, letters to the editor are premeditated acts, and people really should learn to filter that crap.

– Up yours, Rachel