Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

What’s the etiquette for bringing food to Thanksgiving dinner? My spouse and I are going to a friend’s house this year. I asked what we could bring, and they said they had it all covered. I take them at their word, and I intend to do dishes and help out. My wife, however, thinks it’s upon us to provide an entire duplicate Thanksgiving dinner lest our hosts think us rude for showing up empty handed. Who’s right, Rachel?

– I’m Right

Dear Mr(s). Right,

Oh, you’re totally right. But hear me out: if your spouse insists that you bring an entire second meal to the festivities, think of the thirds and fourths you can eat! Think of the leftovers – the true meaning of Thanksgiving if ever there was one. Think of how you’ll be so comatose that you can’t be bothered to help with the dishes, and your spouse has to cart you home in a wheelbarrow. God I love this holiday.

– Pass the pie, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

My friend is always taking animal spottings as signs. We can’t hear an owl or see a coyote without her exclaiming what a good omen it is (she never takes them as bad omens, I’ve noticed). Eagles mean wisdom! Bunny rabbits mean good luck! Rainbow trout mean financial security and wellbeing! To me, these animals just live here. Why on earth do people believe animals are somehow mystical spirit guides? Or am I the one missing something?

– Neighsayer

Dear Rational Monkey,

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s ... oh yeah, it’s just a bird. I’m pretty certain if you saw a tiger in town, that would be a sign alright ... a sign that someone lost their tiger. The animals are just doing their thang. But who’s to say that there’s not a higher power sending messages to humans like you through their animal mail carriers? I’ll tell you one thing, though. If the postman rings twice, the cougar only pounces once.

– Ding dong, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

Alright. Time for you to settle the longest-running dispute in my family. In-laws have been disappeared for chiming in on this question. Dogs have vanished from back yards. Kids haven’t been sold into slavery or anything, but they’ve been sent to bed very, very early. The question – answer carefully, at your own peril – is this: Cranberry sauce. Smooth or chunky?

– The Cran-daddy of Them All

Dear Morpheus,

Trick question. The true quiz is, canned or homemade? You see, smooth is the only way to go with  canned. Homemade must be chunky. There’s no choice. And really, it doesn’t matter. The cranberry sauce exists solely to add a splash of crimson to a plate that’s full of tans and oranges and yellows. That’s it. It doesn’t hardly count as a dish. So if you’re bringing something to the party, don’t you dare bring the cranberry sauce unless it’s got a whole turkey next to it.

– Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, Rachel

Top Shelf

The bottom of the barrel
The bottom of the barrel
By Chris Aaland
08/19/2021

 After 14 years, ‘Top Shelf’ hangs up the pint glass

Back in the groove
Back in the groove
By Chris Aaland
07/29/2021

Local favorites the Motet return for KSUT’s Party in the Park
 

Belly full of wood, mountains full of ukes and Ridin' into Telluride
Belly full of wood, mountains full of ukes and Ridin' into Telluride
By Chris Aaland
07/08/2021
Cootiegrass 2021
Cootiegrass 2021
By Chris Aaland
06/24/2021

Highlights – and lowlights - of a return to Town Park

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Half a century
Half a century
05/26/2022

A look back at the blood, sweat and gears as the Iron Horse turns 50

Bottoms up!
Bottoms up!
By Stephen Eginoire
05/27/2021

With this year's runoff more like a slow bleed, it is easy to let one's whitewater guard down. But remember: flips and swims can happen any place at any time. 
 

Cold comfort
Cold comfort
12/17/2020

Seeking solstice solace in the dog days of winter

A Grand escape
A Grand escape
By Stephen Eginoire
11/19/2020

Pandemic fatigue? Forget the world with three weeks on the Colorado

Read All in Day on the Life