Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

I keep hearing and reading climate change news in the press. I have to admit, I’m stunned. Usually the everyday issues like “fascist defense of our borders” and “kids in cages” are bumped for the new and flashy trends like “Hey look, George Bush’s dog is lying by his casket.” Are we as a people actually starting to take climate change threats seriously? Or is this just a slow news cycle?

– Startled News Junkie

Dear Fair Weather Friend,

Oh, it’s totally a slow news cycle. Or, rather, we’ve recalibrated our definition of “newsworthy” to mean “please tell me something, anything, besides what that Tang-tinted buffoon said to claim attention this time.” We’ve gotten to the point where word of the inevitable demise of humanity within our own lifetimes is preferable to just about anything else coming out of newsrooms, because at least all our mistakes will be wiped out with us.

– Ever the optimist, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

Since winter is finally happening for the first time in two years, I’m dealing with extreme cases of hat hair. I never used to have this problem. I think my mop got used to warmer weather, like a Florida snowbird, and now it no longer remembers how to bounce back. Now my hair either plasters to my head or Einsteins to the heavens every time I doff my lid. What’s an efficient remedy for this horrible condition?

– Hairy Styles

Dear Hirsute Circumstances,

The surest way to avoid a bad hair day is just to shed the hair itself. Shave it off. Shave it all off. Or, start rocking the careless look that shows you’re too occupied with deep musings (and possibly even poetry!) to care what your hair looks like. I don’t really recommend that, though. My friend saw how greasy Bradley Cooper’s hair was in “A Star is Born,” and he didn’t shower for a week. He’s now single and unemployed.

– Tip o’ the hat, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am a Telegraph writer. And your true identity is a seriously hot topic on the streets of Durango. Someone stops me in public (even total strangers) probably once a month to ask me who you really are. They don’t understand what a tightly kept secret you are, even within the inner circle. I’m starting to wonder if you even exist, or if you are crowdsourced or AI or something, so that no one knows the full truth of you. At least please tell me, Rachel, do you even exist?

– Regular Contributor

Dear Colleague,

Finally, a question that gets to serious business! Of course I exist. These deep answers don’t appear out of nowhere. But what is the true nature of existence, anyway? Is each of us humans truly a unique and complete individual? Or are we each really just a collaboration of billions of sentient cells, crowdsourcing their minuscule energies to create a mega-beast greater (in most cases) than its component pieces?

– You tell me, Rachel

Top Shelf

Rockin' Reverend, a king & a doll, and gastro heaven
Rockin' Reverend, a king & a doll, and gastro heaven
By Chris Aaland
04/18/2019

Dude, where’s Makar? He’s in a burgundy and blue jersey, of course! The day after skating in the NCAA men’s hockey championship game for UMass – and two days after winning the Hobey Baker Award as the most talented college hockey player in America – Cale Makar signed his entry-level contract for the Colorado Avalanche.

Meltdown goes big for 25th
Meltdown goes big for 25th
By Chris Aaland
04/11/2019

The sweet sounds of banjo, mandolin, fiddle, dobro, guitar and upright bass will fill the air this week as the Durango Bluegrass Meltdown turns 25. The Meltdown rolled out all the stops for the big anniversary, too, by booking one of its finest lineups ever.

Delicious water and funkalicious roots
Delicious water and funkalicious roots
By Chris Aaland
04/04/2019

It just doesn’t take much anymore. I spent my 51st birthday Sunday afternoon at Durango Craft Spirits, listening to tunes with my buddy Michael McCardell, while enjoying a couple of old fashioneds and a mule.

Goodbye to BREW, gospel- ninja-soul & Cuckoo's 20th
Goodbye to BREW, gospel- ninja-soul & Cuckoo's 20th
By Chris Aaland
03/28/2019

Sadly, one of Durango’s favorite nightspots and a magical brew-pub, BREW Pub & Kitchen, closes its doors this month. Like many other restaurants and businesses, the aftermath of the 416 Fire chipped away.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

It's Snow Joke
It's Snow Joke
By Stephen Eginoire
04/18/2019

“It ain’t over ’til it’s over,” Hall of Fame baseball catcher Yogi Berra once said. That’s a sentiment no one can argue with in these parts. According to Snotel, as of April 12, we are sitting at 153 percent of average snowpack in the San Juans.

Slippery When Wet
Slippery When Wet
By Stephen Eginoire
04/11/2019

What could be a better way to squander a beautiful, warm spring weekend than to spend it sloshing through an icy, water-filled canyon where the non-appearance of direct sunlight is the only guarantee?

Salty Dawgs
Salty Dawgs
By Stephen Eginoire
04/04/2019

A few thousand CFS of cold, clean, snowmelt roaring through one of the driest climates in the United States is a sight to behold.

Etched in Stone
Etched in Stone
By Stephen Eginoire
03/28/2019

With tens of thousands of Ancestral Puebloan sites spanning the Four Corners, rock art decorates countless desert-varnished boulders and cliff walls. These ancient etchings conjure tales that almost seem best left to the imagination.

Read All in Day on the Life