Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

With all the snow we’ve been getting lately, I’m putting more in-town miles on my cross-country skis than I am on my snow tires. The tricky thing is, I rely heavily on my car usage as a work-related tax deduction every year. If this keeps up, do you think I can claim a mileage deduction for wear and tear on my skis? How about writing off food as fuel, as well as a new jacket as work-related clothing?

- TaxSki-ming

Dear Rebel,

I’m really confused. Do ski bums pay taxes? Do they even have real jobs? I was under the impression that one of the prerequisites for owning and using skis is that you are unemployed, either because you are a) wealthy beyond imagination or b) broke but living the “lifestyle.” You are a unicorn of sorts. Not necessarily a desirable unicorn, though. Maybe more of a centaur: a weird hybrid freak. I think you need to evaluate your life choices.

– Powder dazed, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I’m still sitting on a metric ton of Christmas cookies. I received too many bags and platters and plates during the holiday season for one man to eat, so I stuffed them all in my freezer, thinking I could ration them throughout the year. But there’s just something not right about eating red-and-green sprinkles come mid-January. The flavor just isn’t as festive. Is there a better use for these petrified goodies than just throwing them out?

– Cookie Kingpin

Dear Crumb Hoarder,

Pull those puppies out of the freezer for next year’s gift giving bonanza and hand them to all your neighbors, grocery baggers and so on. Who cares if they’re freezer burned and stale? No one expects plates of homemade Christmas cookies to be any good. They’ll appreciate the thought, and then they’ll leave them in the break room for the custodial staff to throw out. Same end result, but with more cheer along the way.

– Ho ho ho, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I hire all kinds of skilled laborers to tackle jobs that I’m not qualified to do. Plumbing, electrical, major medical surgeries. I draw the line at haircuts, though. I believe hair stylists are well trained and very good at what they do. I just don’t see the point in paying someone money to cut my hair, when a perfectly good trucker hat will do. Can you please help me convince my significant other of this wisdom?

– Au Natural

Dear Mop Top,

Since corners are the only thing you’re cutting, I’m not going to try convincing you that your shaggy approach will cut it. Instead, I just want to say: trucker hats? Really? I have never understood the allure of the trucker hat. There are maybe three people on the planet whose heads are flattered by trucker hats, and they’re all truckers. Stop with the madness. Buy yourself a suite of multicolored beanies, start skiing to work and call it a tax write-off. And then get a haircut, you hippie.

– Hold still, Rachel

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