Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

As if Valentine’s Day isn’t treacherous and torturous enough, now we have to navigate the faux-liday without those candy hearts with the messages on them. Apparently the company that has always made them isn’t doing so this year. How am I supposed to flirt with the guy in the office across the hall if I can’t send him pre-printed expressions of my creative passion? And don’t tell me I have to actually talk to him. Ick.

– Wherefore Art Thou

Dear Juliet,

If a guy isn’t willing to get all his (and your) friends killed while in the process of miscommunicating with you, resulting in one of you faking your own death, the other one of you killing yourself over that non-death, and then the first one of you killing yourself for real over that actual death ... then it ain’t love, baby. At least that’s my unrealistic level of expectation based on the longest-running popular culture influence in the English-speaking world.

– Let’s get busy, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I’m sick and tired of trying to make advance plans with other people in this town. I try to coordinate people for dinner reservations or a ticketed event, but no one is willing to commit (or, more likely, bail) until the very last minute. Why do Durango people dither and wait every single time instead of taking the plunge and putting something on their freaking calendars for once?

– RSVPeeved

Dear Waitlisted,

I seriously have not kept a calendar since middle school, when we were standard-issued agendas where we had to write down homework assignments and verify them with totally never-forged parental signatures. You’re up against the wide, wild world of Durango, where something better always comes up, and the worst thing that could possibly happen to you is that you have tickets to the concert hall that force you to turn down a Grand Canyon river trip. I mean, probably not, but it *could* happen.

– Clear my schedule, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I don’t understand why any kind of agent has a job (except for secret agents – that makes total sense). Real estate agents. Agents for athletes. Insurance agents. Artistic representation. They have basically made their careers out of inserting themselves between a buyer and seller, or an employer and employee, and then charging a commission for the pleasure. I can’t help but feel like I pay more money for everything because of some or another agent. How can I eliminate this needless waste from my life?

– Agent of Change

Dear Idealist,

Every transaction in this world is either a mediated transaction, or one that should be. Trust me, you do not want to negotiate your next contract with the New York Yankees without a team of agents who have spent their professional lives accumulating dirt on the Steinbrenners. Even love benefits from a little help from your friends. But since the candy hearts are AWOL this year, just know that my own words are available for hire.

– Be mine, or else, Rachel

Top Shelf

Annual drinking of the green & festival season rundown
Annual drinking of the green & festival season rundown
By Chris Aaland
03/14/2019

All aboard the Shamrock Express! The Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad hosts a St. Patty’s Day train to Cascade Canyon from 9:45 a.m. ‘til 3 p.m. Sunday. Irish beer and drink specials abound, with BREW Pub & Kitchen crafting a special Irish red beer for the occasion.

A special spot in tarp heaven
A special spot in tarp heaven
By Chris Aaland
03/07/2019

Scott Spencer was my festival brother. Back in the late ’90s, as Shelly and I had just started making an annual Telluride Bluegrass pilgrimage the centerpiece of our lives, we threw our sleeping bags down next to Scott and his wife, Sara, in the Front of the Line, and a lifelong friendship was born.

Local talent, son of Marley & the Cape Breton sound
Local talent, son of Marley & the Cape Breton sound
By Chris Aaland
02/28/2019

These are great times for local music. In recent weeks, new records by Afrobeatniks and StillHouse Junkies have dropped, and they’re not just keepsakes for friends and family members

Indie rock'n'roller, uptown jazz and math rock
Indie rock'n'roller, uptown jazz and math rock
By Chris Aaland
02/21/2019

When did you first discover Martha Scanlan? For me, it was around 2001, when her old-time bluegrass outfit, Reeltime Travelers, began appearing on the festival circuit, playing the old Silverton Jubilee, the Durango Bluegrass Meltdown, Telluride Bluegrass and RockyGrass.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Hope springs eternal
Hope springs eternal
By Stephen Eginoire
03/14/2019

Chlorophyll makes a triumphant return to the Animas Valley! Yes, green pigment never looks as green as when the first leaves emerge from the icy depths of winter.

Tierra Encantada
Tierra Encantada
By Stephen Eginoire
03/07/2019

It’s not difficult to find authentic culture here in the Southwest. Colored by Native, Hispanic and Spanish influence, the spectrum of people who are deeply connected to this region runs thicker than a muddy Rio Grande.

Sands of time
Sands of time
By Stephen Eginoire
02/28/2019

The erosional oddities of Bisti/De-Na-Zin Wilderness located south of Farmington attract desert lovers from near and far to explore its desolate nooks and crannies.

Earth tones
Earth tones
By Stephen Eginoire
02/21/2019

Tired of looking at harsh, reflective white? Then feast your eyes on the gentler, subtler hues of winter. For most, winter brown is an acquired taste.

Read All in Day on the Life