Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Soooooo I just watched a clip where Trevor Noah called Bernie Sanders the OG. Now I think I’m pretty with it, but I had to look up what, exactly, OG is. It’s the “original gangster,” and in the way that the brains of youths make no sense, that’s a compliment of the highest order. Or else, it’s entirely ironic. My brain’s confused, because Bernie is a crusty white guy, so it must be facetious, right? But he’s also old, so he could be original. Thoughts?

- Literally Confused

Dear Square,

Bernie is totally OG. And that was the highest sort of compliment for him. I don’t really know how to explain it, so just trust me on this one. Bernie is OG. Michael Jordan, OG. Sarah Jessica Parker, not OG. The Dude, OG til he did that beer commercial with SJP; now, not OG. J.R.R. Tolkien, OG. Ellen DeGeneres, OG. Lady Gaga: super cool, but not OG. Missy Votel, as OG as it gets. Do you grok it yet?

– Livin’ in a gangster’s paradise, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I just got back from vacation, and based on the contents of my recycling bin, my cat sitter has no idea about how to recycle. Tubs with yogurt still caked on them, plastic bags, wrapping paper laced with foil. She is the reason that whole loads of recycling get thrown out. I want to call her over and educate her about the recycling guidelines. Should I, to do my share to save the environment? Or does that just make me a mansplainer?

– Eco-misogynist

Dear Cat-man-don’t,

Ah, the age-old conundrum between preserving the planet for future generations of life, and not bending vaguely understood social mores. What you must do is clear as day: never say anything! Oh my god, can you imagine how mortified your cat sitter would be to have some man with a cat telling her how she should dispose of her garbage? It wouldn’t matter that the planet is wrecked, because neither of you will want to live with yourselves.

– Well actually, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

My stepdad isn’t doing so hot these days. He’s not on death’s door or anything, but he has a debilitating disease that requires intense blood-work and daily PT. My half-sister and I alternate weeks visiting him to care for him. His two occupational therapists are lovely women. Quick and compassionate, and hey, chicks in scrubs. Is it weird for me to flirt with them, considering they live in another city and they see my stepdad in hospital gowns?

– Playboy

Dear Hef,

I think you’re writing the wrong magazine with your love saga. Yes, of course it’s weird, you goof. These occupational therapists are professionals at work, not profiles on a hookup site. They’re there to help your stepdad’s health, not to meet out-of-town guys like you. That said... when is it NOT weird to flirt? Pick one, go for it, and keep it harmless. Or, if you’re really an OG, keep on flirting with both.

– Your wingwoman, Rachel

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