Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

I sorta kinda halfway get why people go to garage sales. The thrill of the haggle, the possibility of finding a gem for a quarter. But I seriously don’t understand why most anyone holds a garage sale. I look at the crap I’m getting rid of, and I think about giving up the better half of a Saturday to make maybe a hundred bucks (if I find the right suckers) plus all the time spent organizing and pricing, and I just think it’s not worth it. Am I missing the key to yard sale happiness? What is it?

- Nickel for Your Thoughts

Dear Non-Negotiator,

In 2009, a woman sold a painting in a cheap frame for $2. It turned out to be a Picasso. Or at least, possibly a Picasso. I didn’t find the follow-up story, probably because the lucky buyer vanished with untold stacks of cash to one of those off-shore countries. Personally? I’d feel better knowing I gave away a Picasso to the Humane Society Thrift Store than knowing I got talked down to a dime on it.

– Make it two pennies, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

Have you noticed how it’s impossible to pass someone on the highway without them speeding up? They could be going 35 in a 60 uphill, but you take advantage of a passing lane without any oncoming traffic, and they take it as a personal affront. Is this a deep-seated genetic competitiveness? Is it emasculating, even for the women drivers? What’s the crazy reasoning behind this universal behavior?

– Pass With Care

Dear Dotted Line,

They take it as a personal affront because it IS a personal affront. It’s one thing to be going slow. It’s another thing to have your slowness written out in big block letters and pasted on your windshield. When you pass a car, everyone on the road sees you pass them. It’s belittling! And when you do that, I have no choice but to tailgate your tailpipe until you’ve done your penance.

– Go your own speed, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

You know those social situations where person A offers something they don’t want to offer, and person B declines it because they’re not a jerk, and person A halfheartedly says, “Well, let me know if you change your mind,” and person B never does? Yeah, my neighbor is person B and she’s breaking that code. I offered to help her move, and she’s taking me up on it, only she’s moving three states away. What’s my best chance at helping her see her mistake?

- Wronged Party

Dear U-Haul,

Yeah, you screwed the pooch on that one. I bet you’re not even getting nooky for your offer. You could backtrack to say that you meant you’d hold a garage sale for all her unwanted stuff. But you’re stuck. You’re so moving her to California or Illinois or Mississippi or dang, I never realized just how far three states away will get you!

– Bon voyage, Rachel

Top Shelf

Talking rocks, battle royale and a hillbilly PhD
Talking rocks, battle royale and a hillbilly PhD
By Chris Aaland
09/19/2019

I’ve been glued to my television the past two nights as Ken Burns’ “Country Music” miniseries airs on PBS.

Blues, brews and a Native metal band or two
Blues, brews and a Native metal band or two
By Chris Aaland
09/12/2019

Festival season in Southwest Colorado all but comes to a close this weekend when the 26th annual Telluride Blues & Brews rolls out the barrels in Town Park.

Donkey doo, Futurebirds and a skankin' good time
Donkey doo, Futurebirds and a skankin' good time
By Chris Aaland
09/05/2019

After suffering through a painful summer of Rockies baseball, Centennial State sports fans can finally embrace hope when their beloved Broncos take the field at 8:30 p.m.

Challenging the throne, throwing horns & radio gaga
Challenging the throne, throwing horns & radio gaga
By Chris Aaland
08/29/2019

The 24th annual Four Corners Folk Festival takes place Friday through Sunday on Reservoir Hill in Pagosa Springs.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Fading Light
Fading Light
By Stephen Eginoire
09/19/2019

With another summer season officially in the bag, the first day of autumn marks the Earth’s transition from equinox to solstice.

Warm fuzzies
Warm fuzzies
By Stephen Eginoire
09/12/2019

What could be more uplifting than a herd of gentle-souled, multi-colored alpacas?

High Times
High Times
By by Stephen Eginoire
09/05/2019

The whimsical days of summer are nearing an end, but early September is arguably one of the best times of the year to romp through the hills (sans ski boots).

The Ripe Stuff
The Ripe Stuff
08/29/2019

Harvest season is all about fresh wild-foraged right here in the Animas food, family and friends.

Read All in Day on the Life