Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I sorta kinda halfway get why people go to garage sales. The thrill of the haggle, the possibility of finding a gem for a quarter. But I seriously don’t understand why most anyone holds a garage sale. I look at the crap I’m getting rid of, and I think about giving up the better half of a Saturday to make maybe a hundred bucks (if I find the right suckers) plus all the time spent organizing and pricing, and I just think it’s not worth it. Am I missing the key to yard sale happiness? What is it?

- Nickel for Your Thoughts

Dear Non-Negotiator,

In 2009, a woman sold a painting in a cheap frame for $2. It turned out to be a Picasso. Or at least, possibly a Picasso. I didn’t find the follow-up story, probably because the lucky buyer vanished with untold stacks of cash to one of those off-shore countries. Personally? I’d feel better knowing I gave away a Picasso to the Humane Society Thrift Store than knowing I got talked down to a dime on it.

– Make it two pennies, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Have you noticed how it’s impossible to pass someone on the highway without them speeding up? They could be going 35 in a 60 uphill, but you take advantage of a passing lane without any oncoming traffic, and they take it as a personal affront. Is this a deep-seated genetic competitiveness? Is it emasculating, even for the women drivers? What’s the crazy reasoning behind this universal behavior?

– Pass With Care

Dear Dotted Line,

They take it as a personal affront because it IS a personal affront. It’s one thing to be going slow. It’s another thing to have your slowness written out in big block letters and pasted on your windshield. When you pass a car, everyone on the road sees you pass them. It’s belittling! And when you do that, I have no choice but to tailgate your tailpipe until you’ve done your penance.

– Go your own speed, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

You know those social situations where person A offers something they don’t want to offer, and person B declines it because they’re not a jerk, and person A halfheartedly says, “Well, let me know if you change your mind,” and person B never does? Yeah, my neighbor is person B and she’s breaking that code. I offered to help her move, and she’s taking me up on it, only she’s moving three states away. What’s my best chance at helping her see her mistake?

- Wronged Party

Dear U-Haul,

Yeah, you screwed the pooch on that one. I bet you’re not even getting nooky for your offer. You could backtrack to say that you meant you’d hold a garage sale for all her unwanted stuff. But you’re stuck. You’re so moving her to California or Illinois or Mississippi or dang, I never realized just how far three states away will get you!

– Bon voyage, Rachel