Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I made a deep, dark promise to myself this year that I would keep on top of my tax receipts so that next April 14 is not a flying crapshow. Well, it’s worked, in so far as I have all my receipts in one place. OK, fine, three places. But only because the first two stacks fell over to create the need for a third one. Seriously, how do other people do this? The absolute last thing I want to do when I get home is tally how much money I spent.

– Overtaxed

Dear Budget Crisis,

I hear you can hire someone to do these things for you? Like, handle your taxes? And stuff? Honestly, I’m not sure how that works, because I’ve never had so much money that I can pay someone else to handle all my money for me. But think how cool that would be. Someone who looks at all my credit card statements, and turns them into tax shelters, and writes off the dividends, and yeah, like I said, I don’t know what I’m talking about.

– Cha-ching, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I haven’t slept in three days now. The first night was all tossing and turning, angsting over being too hot and frustrated at the clock. After a failed nap the next day, I just gave in the next night and binge-watched Ryan Reynolds movies. After three nights, I’m pretty sure I’m seeing Keebler elves where there aren’t any Keebler elves. Any idea how to knock myself out, short of Benadryl and beer?

– Sleepless in Durango

Dear Clockwork Orange,

I knocked myself out once on Benadryl and beer. I was flying internationally and really wanted to be rested when I arrived. No one ever told me just how bad an idea that was. Basically, I’m lucky to be alive, and I like to think that I developed superpowers from the experience. So how can you sleep? Some people want white noise, others silence. Some folks want the TV, others the stars. But damn, put on something a lot less hot than RR if sleeping is your aim.

– One bourbon, one scotch, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

How long is the right amount of time to let a car noise go undiagnosed? I don’t actually experience any shift in performance. There’s no discernable problem. And the sound goes away as soon as I come to a complete stop, so there’s no way for me to pop the hood and see what’s wrong. I’m hoping I can just run like this forever. Think I can get away with it?

– Good Karma

Dear Click and Clack,

In our lives, we all rack up a certain amount of car karma (note to editor: I refuse to conflate this into one word, or start them with two K’s). If you’ve led a good, clean life, you are unlikely to have anything go wrong so long as you keep up with regular maintenance. However, if you ever stole from your grandma or coveted Ryan Reynolds when you should be sleeping ... well, let’s hope you have AAA. Or that you have someone who handles your money for you.

– Don’t drive like my brother, Rachel