Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

Can you explain why single-sided print jobs cost just as much as double-sided ones? They use twice as much ink per sheet, and corporations usually take every opportunity they get to gouge me further. I’d expect double-sided to run triple, just because of the extra machinery involved. Instead, I end up wasting more trees because I might need to write on the back of one of those pages, and I need a good cost-conscious reason to be a better person.

- Copy Cat

Dear Facsimile Feline,

The print shops get ink for absolutely free. The rest of us subsidize the ink by paying $85 for a cartridge that, inevitably, runs out during the first pressing print job we run at home (or the first print job, period), thus necessitating us to pay for a print job at the very same store that sells the cartridges.

- Yay capitalism, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

Just last night as I was driving to and from north City Market, I counted 10 cars driving with their headlights off in full-on darkness! I mean it was way after sunset and the night sky was black, a time when all rational, sentient drivers have their headlights on.

So what gives? Are they just oblivious to what’s going on around them? Do they think they are saving money or helping the environment by combating light pollution, or are they just being cool? Do they think the new sort of gray running lights are headlights? Do they not understand the danger they present to themselves and others? Don’t they know they are virtually invisible with-out their headlights (and I don’t mean parking lights). Do they know their taillights, save for the brake lights, are not on either?

Or is it something more sinister, a subversive plot of some kind (I know you know what I mean, am I right?). DURANGO DRIVERS WAKE UP!!! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS ONE HOUR BEFORE SUNSET AND KEEP THEM ON UNTIL ONE HOUR AFTER SUNRISE—IT’S THE LAW!!!

- In the Dark and Honked Off

Dear Runner in the Night,

No, you are not right; despite all the words in your letter, I have zero idea what you mean about a subversive headlights-off plot. Why would this be a thing? I can think of no reason whatsoever. What I can get on board with, however, is oncoming people driving without headlights if they have those unreasonably glaring LEDs that force me to drive up to a quarter mile with my eyes closed.

- Blinded by the light, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

Why does Mark Twain get credited with all the good quotes? I have the sense that any witty saying, any adept turn of phrase, that existed with or without ol’ Mr. Clemens, takes his name to earn more gravitas. It’s like how anything deep, motivational, and vaguely old-sounding gets credited to Abraham Lincoln. One man could not possibly have said everything that is attributed to Mark Twain. But how can we rectify this historical inaccuracy?

- Anonymous

Dear Unattributed,

My personal favorite Twainism, paraphrased, is that I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

- Briefly, Rachel

Top Shelf

Acoustic blues, rockin' at Ernie's  & smokin' that bluegrass
Acoustic blues, rockin' at Ernie's & smokin' that bluegrass
By Chris Aaland
10/17/2019

October is a busy time around the Aaland household. Annual highlights, including apple pressing, pumpkin gathering, wood splitting, chile cooking and leaf raking, and seem to take up every possible moment of the weekend.

Crescent City classics, wounded warriors & coming of the Scots
Crescent City classics, wounded warriors & coming of the Scots
By Chris Aaland
10/10/2019

For my 51st birthday last spring, my buddy Dirk Lang gave me a copy of the behemoth The Encyclopedia of Cajun & Creole Cuisine.

Townies, Floydheads and gathering of the clans
Townies, Floydheads and gathering of the clans
By Chris Aaland
10/03/2019

Old friends are something we can all use more of. Musically speaking, this week is filled with many of them.

Silver beerware, Led tributes and a golden god
Silver beerware, Led tributes and a golden god
By Chris Aaland
09/26/2019

My wife, Shelly, just returned from five days in Nashville, where she attended a work conference.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Total Slackers
Total Slackers
10/17/2019

What started out as a method for rock climbers to hone their balance and concentration (and remain entertained on rest days), slacklining has evolved into a full-blown sport, if not art.

Wandering on the Juan
Wandering on the Juan
By Stephen Eginoire
10/10/2019

Originating high in the alpine landscape of Colorado’s southern San Juan Mountains, the San Juan River carves its way 383 miles from mountain to desert, meandering into three states on its way to Lake Powell.

True Colors
True Colors
10/03/2019

Much to the delight of those who love the colors of autumn, this season is one for the books.

Leave Only Footprints
Leave Only Footprints
By Stephen Eginoire
09/26/2019

Perhaps one of the more curious details left behind by the original inhabitants that once roamed the western Colorado and southern Utah landscape are the ancient hand and toe trails known as moki steps.

Read All in Day on the Life