Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Every big company in the world now is trying to hook me with some kind of rewards program. The grocery store promises to give me better prices in exchange for my phone number. Credit cards promise to give me cash back on my purchases. Come on, I even have a punch card for smoothies. Is this all a win-win scenario? Or am I willingly being taken advantage of, all in the name of better prices?

– Penny Pincher

Dear Valued Customer,

Oh, you’re totally being taken advantage of. Corporations aren’t in the habit of giving away anything. If you’re getting something, they’re getting something more. Take credit card rewards. You’re literally paying more for products so that stores can cover the credit card fees from whence your 2 percent cash back comes. It’s all a big scam, and we’re feeding off each other like vultures in a circle jerk. All of it except your smoothie card, that is. That sounds pretty cool.

– Thanks for shopping, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Forget the chicken and the egg question. I have more pressing matters. Namely, is it OK to eat eggs with chicken? I never considered that it wouldn’t be OK. Then someone posed the question rhetorically, and I can’t shake it. The more I think about it, the weirder it seems to eat an animal at the same time as its unfertilized offspring. Yet I know vegetarians who eat eggs, so eggs aren’t actually animals. I need you to clear this up for me.

– Carnivore’s Dilemma

Dear Cracked,

Why wouldn’t it be OK? Chicken is delicious. Eggs are delicious. Ergo, chicken enchiladas with a fried egg on top is the only way to go. Unless you’re kosher, which I imagine that meal isn’t. Or is it? There’s no hooves, and you’re not mixing animals. Clearly, I don’t actually know what defines kosher, but I know my salt is, and I put that stuff on everything. So the real question for Ask Rabbi needs to be, is kosher salt still kosher if I put it on my chicken-and-egg-salad sandwich?

– Bagock, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Why will people fight hell, high water and traffic for cheaper gas? I’m talking, like, 2 cents cheaper. On a whole $30 fill up, you save, what, 24 cents? I’m not saying it’s not important to save money. I’m just saying, I think sometimes you burn 24 cents in gas trying to make it to the station across the street. Not to mention the lost time and stress. What the hay motivates people to do the crazy when it comes to gasoline?

– Top It Off

Dear Phillip,

The gasoline cha-cha is a time-honored ritual! Who among us did not have a mom who mapped the gasoline prices within a 5-mile radius and planned our playdates along the routes with the cheapest gasoline? It’s basically free money. Sure, it’s not very much money, but it adds up almost as quickly as my free smoothies. (Two down, eight to go!)

– High octane, Rachel