Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel
Interesting fact: Worse than left-lane hogs are those too-bright LED headlights. But my internet research shows, unfortunately, that somehow those damn lights are not actually illegal.
 
Dear Rachel,
I try to lead a private existence but that’s impossible because my husband is trying to ruin
my life with his rampant and misleading Facebook posting. He announces it’s my birthday before it’s my birthday. He posts pictures of me in Wisconsin when I’m actually safe at home in Durango. Who knows what supposed secrets he’s sharing that I can’t see because he probably blocked me from those posts. How can I stop him?
- No Alibi
 
Dear Facepalm,
You can’t stop him. I mean, I assume you’ve tried withholding sex and that didn’t work. So your best option is to push his game even further, to the brink of divorce if you have to. Hire one of those Instagram escorts who help you pose for pictures against green screens. How’s Venice sound? Shanghai? Your friends (and more importantly, your hubby’s friends) will see you traveling to exotic locales without him. And hey, if he complains, have them chroma key in some younger hunks, as well.
– Embracing rampant and misleading, Rachel
 
Dear Rachel,
I try really, really hard not to tell other people how to take better care of their dogs. But it
has to be more socially acceptable to intervene when they come to dinner at my house, right? I see the crap kibble they feed their mutts, and how their black fur gets EVERYWHERE (even though “they don’t shed so I don’t need to brush them”). These dogs are basically abused, and I just can’t sit back and take it anymore. My dinner
party, my rules. That’s fair, isn’t it?
- Dog House
 
Dear Miss Manners,
Or is it Mister Manners? Whatever. Instead of telling people how to treat their dogs, why don’t you just kidnap them (the dogs, not the people) and treat them your way. After all, as my grandma used to say, if you want something done right, you’ve got to abduct someone
else’s dogs and do it yourself. Don’t like that answer? Well, then maybe you should stop conflating “not brushed enough” with “basically abused.”
– Good girl, Rachel
 
Dear Rachel,
What is the appropriate way to make slow-ass drivers get out of the left-hand lane and into the right-hand lane where they belong? I won’t tailgate them, because when people tailgate me, it makes me drive even slower. Should I flash my brights at them? I could pass them in the righthand lane, but that makes me feel like I stooped to their level. Roads have rules for reasons. I just want people to obey them.
– Traffic Warrior
 
Dear Road Crusader,
We all know you’re supposed to pull up alongside the car and shoot them a nasty glare. If the person is significantly older than you, release the glare. They’ve earned the right to drive however they like. If the person is younger, you have earned the right to swallow your anger, because thank god one youth out there is driving slow. And if the person is your husband, you may post about it rampantly and misleadingly on Facebook.
– Honk honk, Rachel

Top Shelf

Stay calm and folk on
Stay calm and folk on
By Chris Aaland
09/03/2020

KSUT streams virtual Four Corners Folk Festival this Friday
 

The father of folk
The father of folk
By Chris Aaland
08/27/2020

Remembering Pagosa festival founder Dan Appenzeller

 

Remembering two singing cowboys
Remembering two singing cowboys
By Chris Aaland
07/09/2020

More than a century ago, Ada Habershon and Charles Gabriel wrote what would become one of the most popular Christian hymns of all-time, “Will the Circle Be Unbroken.”

A secret mission
A secret mission
By Chris Aaland
06/25/2020

Gather the backyard 'quaranteam' for reimagined community concerts

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

A day at the beach
A day at the beach
By Stephen Eginoire
06/18/2020

What does one do when their favorite summer swimming hole is teeming with reptilian and amphibian aquatic life?

Soaking it up
Soaking it up
05/21/2020
Local color: Telegraph coloring page winners
Local color: Telegraph coloring page winners
04/30/2020

A look at some (OK, all) of the Telegraph's coloring page submissions

Sole man
Sole man
03/12/2020

At the age of 19, Durango’s Mervin “Merv” Stilson started making shoes and never looked back (except for the time he made a Western-style jacket for Neil Young).

Read All in Day on the Life