Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel
Interesting fact: Worse than left-lane hogs are those too-bright LED headlights. But my internet research shows, unfortunately, that somehow those damn lights are not actually illegal.
 
Dear Rachel,
I try to lead a private existence but that’s impossible because my husband is trying to ruin
my life with his rampant and misleading Facebook posting. He announces it’s my birthday before it’s my birthday. He posts pictures of me in Wisconsin when I’m actually safe at home in Durango. Who knows what supposed secrets he’s sharing that I can’t see because he probably blocked me from those posts. How can I stop him?
- No Alibi
 
Dear Facepalm,
You can’t stop him. I mean, I assume you’ve tried withholding sex and that didn’t work. So your best option is to push his game even further, to the brink of divorce if you have to. Hire one of those Instagram escorts who help you pose for pictures against green screens. How’s Venice sound? Shanghai? Your friends (and more importantly, your hubby’s friends) will see you traveling to exotic locales without him. And hey, if he complains, have them chroma key in some younger hunks, as well.
– Embracing rampant and misleading, Rachel
 
Dear Rachel,
I try really, really hard not to tell other people how to take better care of their dogs. But it
has to be more socially acceptable to intervene when they come to dinner at my house, right? I see the crap kibble they feed their mutts, and how their black fur gets EVERYWHERE (even though “they don’t shed so I don’t need to brush them”). These dogs are basically abused, and I just can’t sit back and take it anymore. My dinner
party, my rules. That’s fair, isn’t it?
- Dog House
 
Dear Miss Manners,
Or is it Mister Manners? Whatever. Instead of telling people how to treat their dogs, why don’t you just kidnap them (the dogs, not the people) and treat them your way. After all, as my grandma used to say, if you want something done right, you’ve got to abduct someone
else’s dogs and do it yourself. Don’t like that answer? Well, then maybe you should stop conflating “not brushed enough” with “basically abused.”
– Good girl, Rachel
 
Dear Rachel,
What is the appropriate way to make slow-ass drivers get out of the left-hand lane and into the right-hand lane where they belong? I won’t tailgate them, because when people tailgate me, it makes me drive even slower. Should I flash my brights at them? I could pass them in the righthand lane, but that makes me feel like I stooped to their level. Roads have rules for reasons. I just want people to obey them.
– Traffic Warrior
 
Dear Road Crusader,
We all know you’re supposed to pull up alongside the car and shoot them a nasty glare. If the person is significantly older than you, release the glare. They’ve earned the right to drive however they like. If the person is younger, you have earned the right to swallow your anger, because thank god one youth out there is driving slow. And if the person is your husband, you may post about it rampantly and misleadingly on Facebook.
– Honk honk, Rachel

Top Shelf

An Americana icon
An Americana icon
By Chris Aaland
08/31/2023

Folk Fest headliner on climate change, indigenous rights and summer road trips
 

'Matli crew
'Matli crew
By Chris Aaland
06/29/2023

Party in the Park returns with Latin rock supergroup

The bottom of the barrel
The bottom of the barrel
By Chris Aaland
08/19/2021

 After 14 years, ‘Top Shelf’ hangs up the pint glass

Back in the groove
Back in the groove
By Chris Aaland
07/29/2021

Local favorites the Motet return for KSUT’s Party in the Park
 

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Half a century
Half a century
05/26/2022

A look back at the blood, sweat and gears as the Iron Horse turns 50

Bottoms up!
Bottoms up!
By Stephen Eginoire
05/27/2021

With this year's runoff more like a slow bleed, it is easy to let one's whitewater guard down. But remember: flips and swims can happen any place at any time. 
 

Cold comfort
Cold comfort
12/17/2020

Seeking solstice solace in the dog days of winter

A Grand escape
A Grand escape
By Stephen Eginoire
11/19/2020

Pandemic fatigue? Forget the world with three weeks on the Colorado

Read All in Day on the Life