Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel
Interesting fact: Worse than left-lane hogs are those too-bright LED headlights. But my internet research shows, unfortunately, that somehow those damn lights are not actually illegal.
 
Dear Rachel,
I try to lead a private existence but that’s impossible because my husband is trying to ruin
my life with his rampant and misleading Facebook posting. He announces it’s my birthday before it’s my birthday. He posts pictures of me in Wisconsin when I’m actually safe at home in Durango. Who knows what supposed secrets he’s sharing that I can’t see because he probably blocked me from those posts. How can I stop him?
- No Alibi
 
Dear Facepalm,
You can’t stop him. I mean, I assume you’ve tried withholding sex and that didn’t work. So your best option is to push his game even further, to the brink of divorce if you have to. Hire one of those Instagram escorts who help you pose for pictures against green screens. How’s Venice sound? Shanghai? Your friends (and more importantly, your hubby’s friends) will see you traveling to exotic locales without him. And hey, if he complains, have them chroma key in some younger hunks, as well.
– Embracing rampant and misleading, Rachel
 
Dear Rachel,
I try really, really hard not to tell other people how to take better care of their dogs. But it
has to be more socially acceptable to intervene when they come to dinner at my house, right? I see the crap kibble they feed their mutts, and how their black fur gets EVERYWHERE (even though “they don’t shed so I don’t need to brush them”). These dogs are basically abused, and I just can’t sit back and take it anymore. My dinner
party, my rules. That’s fair, isn’t it?
- Dog House
 
Dear Miss Manners,
Or is it Mister Manners? Whatever. Instead of telling people how to treat their dogs, why don’t you just kidnap them (the dogs, not the people) and treat them your way. After all, as my grandma used to say, if you want something done right, you’ve got to abduct someone
else’s dogs and do it yourself. Don’t like that answer? Well, then maybe you should stop conflating “not brushed enough” with “basically abused.”
– Good girl, Rachel
 
Dear Rachel,
What is the appropriate way to make slow-ass drivers get out of the left-hand lane and into the right-hand lane where they belong? I won’t tailgate them, because when people tailgate me, it makes me drive even slower. Should I flash my brights at them? I could pass them in the righthand lane, but that makes me feel like I stooped to their level. Roads have rules for reasons. I just want people to obey them.
– Traffic Warrior
 
Dear Road Crusader,
We all know you’re supposed to pull up alongside the car and shoot them a nasty glare. If the person is significantly older than you, release the glare. They’ve earned the right to drive however they like. If the person is younger, you have earned the right to swallow your anger, because thank god one youth out there is driving slow. And if the person is your husband, you may post about it rampantly and misleadingly on Facebook.
– Honk honk, Rachel

Top Shelf

Gettin' Diffy with it, live Kings and SoCal surf punks
Gettin' Diffy with it, live Kings and SoCal surf punks
By Chris Aaland
02/27/2020

The 15th annual Durango Independent Film Festival starts Wednesday and runs through March 8. This year, Durango Film features more than 115 films, plus panels, workshops, special guests, parties and more. 

The Hammer of Gods, Latin grass and $13 Buds
The Hammer of Gods, Latin grass and $13 Buds
By Chris Aaland
02/20/2020

We came. We saw. But the event kicked our ass. On Saturday, Uncle Steve and I took young Otto to his first-ever NHL game, nearly 40 years after I saw my first NHL game when the L.A. Kings skated against the Colorado Rockies at McNichols Arena in Denver

Sticks N' Thorns, Tiny Universes and big teen-agers
Sticks N' Thorns, Tiny Universes and big teen-agers
By Chris Aaland
02/13/2020

The Broke Mountain Bluegrass Band was a cultural explosion that took the San Juan Mountains by storm in the mid-2000s and forever changed the landscape and history of newgrass music in our state.

Montana bluegrass, Kansas City blues and sexual repression
Montana bluegrass, Kansas City blues and sexual repression
By Chris Aaland
02/06/2020

My, what a repressive time we live in. The uproar over the outfits that Jennifer Lopez and Shakira wore during the Super Bowl halftime show, not to mention their provocative dancing – with poles, no less! – should be viewed as comical, if it weren’t so sad.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Salty dogs
The river wild
By Stephen Eginoire
02/27/2020

Jonesing for a river fix? Come along for the ride on  this desert classic

Gone but not forgotten
Gone but not forgotten
02/20/2020

Strolling the sidewalks of downtown Main Avenue, longtime locals can’t help but reminisce about a few businesses that have etched their names in Durango’s storefront history. 

Scratching the surface
Scratching the surface
By Stephen Eginoire
02/13/2020

Hidden below southeastern New Mexico's Chihuahuan Desert is one of the world's most extensive subterranean landscapes, Lechuguilla Cave.

Chasing waterfalls
Chasing waterfalls
By Stephen Eginoire
02/06/2020
Read All in Day on the Life