Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

My friend says she has a sugar allergy, and so she can’t eat anything sweet or anything with added sugar, period. I know we’re not supposed to question people’s medical needs. But this just feels fishy. If she’s allergic to sugar, why can she eat non-added sugar? And I’ve never heard of a sugar allergy. Should I call her bluff on this one? Slip her some of the refined stuff and see what happens?

– Sweet or Sour

Dear Sugar Baby,

Yeah, a sugar allergy sounds suspicious. But here is what I’ve learned. If you choose not to eat something, like sugar or meat or dairy or anything the texture of cottage cheese, people give you endless crap and pressure you to break your rules. So if you say you’re allergic to things the texture of cottage cheese, it shuts them up. In most cases. Except yours. It literally (and I mean literally) does not affect your life if she abstains from the sweet. You’ll be much less an ass if you just let it slide.

– Raw and unrefined, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Have you ever had some woo-woo warrior tell you that all the bad things happening in your life (sickness, being broke, tough boss, etc.) are because of your bad energy? So systemic poverty isn’t because of insufficient social support systems and a top-heavy wealth distribution? It’s just because billions of people worldwide have negative downer thoughts? That’s such bull honky. And it just pisses me off.

– I’ll Give You Bad Thoughts

Dear Woo-woo Poo-poo,

You make sound points. But … bull honky? How can anyone take you seriously with vocabulary like that? “Honky” isn’t even a faux-polite word for “feces.” It’s a derogatory word for white people. So, you might as well have said “bull cracker.” Though a lot of white people are full of it, which is a leading contributor to that systemic poverty you’re going on about… so maybe it’s apropos after all.

– Honky tonk woman, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I’ve noticed jigsaw puzzles are making a comeback. Now they’re being marketed as a Zen activity. I’m starting to wonder if my grandparents were way ahead of the curve on the whole mindfulness thing. Either that, or it’s now just hip to be old. I just don’t get the appeal of staring at a thousand pieces of a broken image and trying to put it back together. The picture is on the box, so there’s not even any surprise. What the what is the big deal here?

– Call Me Puzzled

Dear Puzzled,

Pretty sure the point of a Zen activity isn’t to be surprised. Pretty sure it’s also not to accomplish anything. Some people like to center themselves and dedicate moments to an activity whose sole purpose is to calm them. Some people find joy in relaxation and contentment in the simple task of completing a jigsaw puzzle. Maybe it’s a way to deal with the toxic effects of a sugar allergy. Who knows? But seriously, what did a jigsaw puzzle ever do to you?

– Missing some pieces, Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com.