Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I’m grateful to see so many people wearing masks in public. But my favorite part/the worst part of my first grocery run in two weeks was seeing how many people wore masks with their noses hanging out. Um, that defeats the entire point of wearing a protective breathing mask! Do you think you can’t spread the virus through your airborn booger particles? Or that your nose hairs will defend you from catching it?

– The Nose Knows No Bounds

Dear Schnoz,

You will never understand them until you walk a mile in their makeshift homemade face shield. Maybe their doctor prescribed sun exposure for their facial features. Maybe they got Teflon on their faces and their masks won’t stay put. Maybe their noses are purely decorative. You have no idea. So don’t just presume they are being careless and stupid. I mean, they ARE being careless and stupid. But don’t presume it.

– Follow your nose, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

For a completely different conversation, can you please tell me why it has become OK for even smart and/or educated people to say things like, "Me and him"? I got past people using "literally" for things that are not literal, and even the redundancy of something like "7 a.m. in the morning,” but I just can't let go of the ME first movement. (Now I feel badly for being all judge-y like that because I'm still not sure how to use "whom.”)

– The "I's" have it

Dear #IToo,

Let he whom is without grammatical sin cast the first stone upon those whom use accusative pronouns in the nominative case. Self-police yo’self before you get all caught up in whom else is speaking however whom pleases. Then embrace the fact that language is a living, evolving organism, and most of the “rules” we fail at pounding into kids’ heads are either a) meant for Latin, or b) the way English was spoken at some point in the past that is not present.

– For who the bell tolls, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

My dog got a piece of grass stuck in his nose this weekend. She whistled in her sleep for a day before she seemed to snort it down her throat. This got me thinking. How come dogs don’t get stuff stuck up their nose all the time? Or do they, and they just never complain? I mean, seriously, this is the same animal who rolls in carcasses and cow pies on our hikes, so who knows what else she enjoys.

- Snortin’ Grass

Dear Grass Fed,

I once had a dog who got a log—not a stick, but a log—wedged between her skin and her rib cage. She  didn’t care. Stitch it up? Never noticed. But they shaved a one-inch square patch of fur on her leg for the IV drip, and that was the greatest threat to her health and well-being since that time a rabbit walked onto the lawn. Me and her got through it okay though. So will you and whom.

– Snort, Rachel