Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

My friends don’t ask me out
much. I’m a-ok with that most of the time, seeing as I’m the queen bee in my own hive and I don’t ever leave. But I was out of town this weekend, and twice (twice!) I got invitations to grab a beer with my friends. I told them I was away from home, but I don’t think they believe me. How can I assure them that, at least this once, I wasn’t just making up excuses and brushing them off?

– The Girl Who Cried Wolf

Dear Shepherdess,

You mean, besides telling them the truth that you were out of town? I guess they’ll either believe you, or they won’t. But if you want to maintain your bridges, then I recommend a good offense. For a homebody like you, I’ll break it down into steps. 1) Pick up your phone (it’s that thing you use to play Candy Crush Saga); 2) Call your friends; 3) Before you hang up in a panic, ask them out for beers; 4) Don’t feign illness when the big day arrives.

– Or you could die alone, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I don’t have a lot of rules, but the big one is that I never ever ever check work emails on the weekend.

Well, I showed up on Monday to about 70 emails between my coworkers and my boss. They basically reinvented the company between Friday happy hour and Sunday brunch. I didn’t get a say in any of it, but now I’m stuck living with the changes. Do I speak up, or suck it up?

– Out in the Cold

Dear Outsider,

Whether you speak up or suck it up, sounds like you need to chat with your boss about your employment expectations. And I don’t mean his expectations. I mean YOURS. Because you are a friggin’ badass for not checking your work email all weekend. There is literally nothing happening in work emails that is a matter of life and death.
And if your chief doesn’t like your boundary? Set your out-of-office autoreply. Permanently.

– Um, yeah, that’d be great, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I recently attended a wedding where all the men smoked cigars with the groom before the ceremony. Never having smoked before, I fumbled through all the techniques. Opening the cigar. Smelling the cigar. Almost cutting off the end of my finger. In the midst of this GQ cover shoot, I didn’t feel comfortable

asking for guidance. Any words of wisdom for next time this happens?

– Burne

Dear Stogie Yogi,

Here’s the blunt truth: you don’t need to know how to smoke a cigar. Because what’s the point in smoking something that you’re not even supposed to inhale? None. None point. The way to do it in a social setting is to light the cigar, and then hold it suavely until it turns to ash. Or until you all get bored and go do something with your lives. Whichever comes first.

– Got a light? Rachel