Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

What is up with over-hash-taggers? Does anyone really wanna sit there and read a post with 75 inane and nonsensical hashtags after it? Not only is it boring and a waste of time, but usually they’re totally stupid. For example, the other day, I had a friend post a picture of a sun- set and he actually hashtagged “#mountains” and “#sunset.” No shit Sherlock. Please, Rachel, help us stop the brutally mundane hash- tagging.

– Bag the Ta

Dear Sweet Gen X-er,

You really don’t understand what hash-tagging is, do you? That’s OK, because neither do I. I think it has something to do with getting likes on your chats or having your snaps re-grammed. But they’re not meant to be read like normal words. That much I know. I also know that I enjoy hashtagging things wrong, because it an- noys the kids. #thatsthewayiroll #isthishowyouhashtag #no #wellwhynot #whydontyoushowmehowtodoitifyouresosmart.

– Tag this, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

The new Star Trek series streaming on CBS looks, frankly, horrible.

So much cheap CGI, so much melodrama, so much bad acting. And that’s just in the new trailer. All style with no substance. I mean, what the hell is going on with the Klingons? And why do they keep making pre-TOS series? I want to see what happens later in the timeline. Is there no human creative enough to create a spec script for a 25th century Star Trek?

- Beam Me Outta Here

Dear Sweet Next Gen-er,

Whoa there, cowboy. I’m not sure I can help you here. I mean, I know Star Trek is a thing that exists. But these aren’t really questions I can offer meaningful answers to, ya know? Sounds to me like you need to start a blog dedicated to stream-of-consciousness anti-Star-Trek-establishment rants. I mean, you’d be the first one to do so on the internet, right? You’d be boldly going where no man has gone before. Or at least, going boldly far far away from me.

– Long live Prospero, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

My new rental abode is infested with earwigs. I don’t care if so-called “entomologists” claim that they are “harmless to humans.” These bugs have gnarly looking pincers, and they like to live in my dish rags, and they are called “earwigs” for crying out loud. They wouldn’t have that name if they didn’t like ears! Tell me I’m not crazy for wanting to get rid of these buggers. And also, how do I get rid of them?

– “Wigging” Out

Dear Sweet Bug-Nixer,

All these earwigs want to do is eat leaf mulch. And also, apparently, hang out in your kitchen. Either place is better than my garden, where I swear to god they are leaving relief for no leaf. You know what’s more annoying than earwigs in the house, though? Excessive “quotation marks” around “words” that are perfectly fine “stand-alone” “phrases.” You made a word play out of “wigging” – we get it. Honestly, I’d rather you hashtag the shit out of words than use too many quotation marks.

– “#butwhynotboth,” Rachel