Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

We all know that stores start selling holiday wares earlier and earlier. I think I saw the first pumpkin-themed merch right around St. Patrick’s Day this year. But how early is acceptably early to start decorating personal property for any of the major autumn/winter festivities? I ask because my domestic partner has already started putting up orange Halloween lights. That just feels as wrong as dressing up cats in costumes. But I don’t have a reasoned counterargument. Help?

– Nothing’s Sacred

Dear Hallowoopsie,

There are two holidays appropriate for tricking out your house: Halloween, and Winter Halloween, which is my new non-denominational way of lumping together every December holiday. Think about it: carolers are nothing but trick-or-treaters, and a fat magician coming down the chimney is downright spooky. In any case, it’s too early. Make your life spouse wait til Oct. 1, or else start swapping your intimate treats for intimate tricks.

– Boo, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

School started, and as usual I don’t have any of the coolest clothes. Whatever, I’m used to dressing like a JC Penney catalog by now. But I can’t figure out what the “in” fashions even are this year. How am I supposed to make fun of the cool clothes (ironically, of course) if there’s not some stupid new fashion sweeping the campus?

– Project Runway

Dear Tim Gunn,

Durango has long been a stagnant tidal pool of fashion. What is hip and happenin’ in LA and NYC, Paris and London, will only wash up in Durango 15, 30 years after the fact – if at all. Wemay finally have hit the point where the concept of “fashion” has dried up, leaving us all to dress in whatever clothes come out of our Snowdown steamer trunks. Either that, or the fashion elite have themselves gone ironic and you’re participating in a postmodern fashion wasteland. I’m going with the former.

– Long live fashion, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I have not dated since moving to Durango. All my life, I’ve lived in ... well, not large cities, but places large enough to have a real airport and a real mall. (Sorry, DRO.) I recently jumped back in the pool, and what I’m quickly discovering is that everyone knows everyone else. If I’m talking with two women, they inevitably know each other! How am I supposed to give each relationship an honest try when it’s going to ripple into every other relationship I ever have in this place?

– No Elbow Room

Dear Claustrophobic,

There’s two ways to date in Durango: succumb to swingerhood – hey, might as well be open about sleeping with everyone else! – or commit to a life of filling a garage with his-n-hers outdoor equipment with the very first person you date. Actually, there’s a third way, which I endorse: go adopt a dog from the Humane Society. Just, whatever you do, please, please, please do not dress the dog up in costume until after Oct. 1. Or ever.

– Attaboy, Rachel 

Top Shelf

#metoo, MarchFourth and guitar night
#metoo, MarchFourth and guitar night
By Chris Aaland
02/15/2018

Indivisible Durango hosts a #MeToo march and rally from the train depot to Buckley Park at 10:30 a.m. Saturday. 

Electro-funk, West Coast rap and Calexico conversion
Electro-funk, West Coast rap and Calexico conversion
By Chris Aaland
02/08/2018

It happens every few years ... David slays Goliath.

Bro-ing with Chris Robinson, Bourbon Balls & Ruby two times
Bro-ing with Chris Robinson, Bourbon Balls & Ruby two times
By Chris Aaland
02/01/2018

It’s Snowdown week, so let’s party, dude!

30 years of Leftovers, Tierro, and sex, whiskey & vomit
30 years of Leftovers, Tierro, and sex, whiskey & vomit
By Chris Aaland
01/25/2018

A band with a quarter century of history performing in Durango returns at 7:30 p.m. Friday when Leftover Salmon plays the Community Concert Hall. Head for the Hills opens the show.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Rec Yourself: Inside Durango's other late-night scene
Rec Yourself: Inside Durango's other thriving late-night scene
By Jennaye Derge
02/15/2018

Night and weekend games make it easy for just about anyone to join a team and get in on the “beautiful game.”

All dressed up & nowhere to snow
All dressed up & nowhere to snow
02/08/2018

The lack of snow this year in Durango forced Snowdown to be dubbed "Brown Down" or "No Snowdown," but it still had all the joviality of festivities of yore.

Going big
Going big
By Jennaye Derge
02/01/2018

There is always a skier or snowboarder doing something super cool at one of Purgatory Resort’s five terrain parks.

Coffee Talk
Coffee Talk
By Jennaye Derge
01/25/2018

It's rare that anyone can ever sit down and take a moment to actually taste their coffee.

Read All in Day on the Life