Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I seriously fail to understand the hype around bluegrass in this town. To me, bluegrass is the very definition of a sum less than its parts. The musicians are technically exceptional, the genre allows for originals and unique takes on cover songs ... but my god, who can take the twang and the frenetic pace for more than 10 minutes, let alone an entire weekend? No wonder everyone gets so hammered to survive the Meltdown.

– Yeehaws for Yahoos

Dear Pickin’ and Frownin,’

I remember the first time I took a sip of my dad’s red wine. Holy hell, that stuff was gnarly. Why, I wondered, did people drink this stuff every night? Then I matured beyond the age of eight and discovered, all on my own, that wine is delicious. It may be that you need to acquire the right taste for banjo music in order to appreciate it. And, yes, drink water between each set to avoid a nasty hangover.

– My grass is blue, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

My mother often sends me texts with horrible autocorrect mistakes. Sometimes they’re just illegible, but sometimes there’s pure gold. You know, talking about her neighbor’s f&$#er spaniel dog, or wanting to bone her customers. I keep screen captures of all the best ones, which means my question now is, what are the ethics of posting these to the internet? Free game to embarrass her at will? Or should I respect her privacy and her generational inability to use technology?

– Mother Ducker

Dear Autocratic,

I love stumbling upon photographs of my grandparents and other ancestors. These snapshots are rare glimpses into their lives and beautiful time capsules of what life was like in decades past. For future generations, your mother’s text messages will be that glimpse. I’m not a legal counsel or anything, so don’t quote me to a judge, but come on. These mangled messages are God’s gift to the masses. Share away.

– I meant SHOT, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Fort Lewis College just laid off two of my dear friends. What the actual frig is the college doing? It’s hard enough to make a living in this town, and there used to be no job like a gubmint job. Now their lives are ruined because some administrators suck at their jobs. And my friends are entirely unemployable in the real world after working at a college. What can they do now?

– Will Sit at Desk for Food

Dear Un M. Ployed,

Your friends are in luck, because in Durango, you don’t need a resume to land a job! There’s probably still time before summer for them to get in as river guides, jeep guides, walking guides, campground hosts, servers and bartenders. I don’t mean one or the other of those; I mean all of the above. Because that’s the only way to make it work. And in their spare time, I recommend they start learning the banjo.

– Now hiring, Rachel