Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

I’m a pretty philanthropic person. But these birthday fundraisers on Facebook! People post them on the day of their birthday, which means they obviously aren’t targeted to the people who were giving them gifts anyway. I don’t have twenty spare bucks to give to each one of my cousin’s husband’s groomsmen’s preferred causes, but of course I feel guilty for neglecting to contribute to Child Abuse Prevention Month. Should I donate, or should I scroll?

– Ebenezer Screwed

Dear McDuck,

I don’t give to a single one of those fundraisers. Nope. And I don’t feel guilty about it, either. You know what I do to assuage my guilt? I shop on Amazon using their Smile feature, which I can use to donate Amazon’s money that they just made off of me back to the Humane Society, or Devo, or whichever nonprofit I signed up for that one time. They get financial support, I get a discount by subscribing to monthly deliveries of Clif bars, and my brother-in-law on Facebook can stuff it.

– My middle name is Generosity, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I need some serious help with ant infestations. I keep getting swarms of tiny little buggers in various places in my house—the bathroom, the bedroom wall, and of course the kitchen. It’s not a cleanliness problem. Trust me; I’ve been cleaning in triplicate ever since this started. But they’ll show up through the walls or the floor, swarm for a day or two, then vanish. How do you recommend I handle it?

– Bugging Out

Dear Ant Central Station,

When I get ants in my rental, the first thing I do is breathe deep and remind myself the ants were here first. Then I get overwhelmed and go spend the night in a hotel. When I come home, if the ants aren’t gone, I call my landlords and tell them the house burned down. Then I burn the house down. So far, that’s worked for me every time. Worth a shot, I say.

– I prefer uncles, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I’ve lived a lot of places, and I’ve never seen so much hype over an election as small as the LPEA board. You’d think you were electing presidents of the United States to life terms for all the passion going into these contests. Am I missing something important about our power provider? Or is there just nothing better going on in southwestern Colorado?

– Let’s Pronounce Enough Already

Dear Independent Voter,

If you would read up on the issues, then you would understand just how much is at stake, and why weMUST elect all the good guys and DENY all the evil villains any say in our electrical future, for the sake of us and all future generations! And then you can tell me what the issues are, and why they’re important. I’m too busy donating to charity on Amazon to follow it all myself.

– My chads are hanging, Rachel

Top Shelf

Extreme couponing, Funksgiving & the Revelers
Extreme couponing, Funksgiving & the Revelers
By Chris Aaland
11/15/2018

I rushed from work in Ignacio last Friday afternoon and made a mad dash to the Ska Brewing World Headquarters to utilize a handful of Be Local coupons, which were set to expire the next day.

Dead Floyd, MarchFourth Blockhead and SOL
Dead Floyd, MarchFourth Blockhead and SOL
By Chris Aaland
11/08/2018

When you work in radio, what’s old is new again. While some listeners want to be challenged to hear new sounds and discover up-and-coming artists, most like to hear a song they can sing along to.

Capitol Steps, Puentes and the Blues Box
Capitol Steps, Puentes and the Blues Box
11/01/2018

I’ve been a member of the Fourth Estate since 1987, when, as a college sophomore, I was assistant editor of the FLC Independent.

Stooki, Storm, DRAGula & Frank 'n' Stein
Stooki, Storm, DRAGula & Frank 'n' Stein
By Chris Aaland
10/25/2018

Longtime world music favorites Eufo?rquestra return to the Animas City Theatre at 9:30 p.m. Saturday. Their ever-evolving sound is influenced by music from all over the world, with an emphasis on funk, pocket and groove.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Deep freeze
Deep freeze
By Stephen Eginoire
11/15/2018

As the sun crosses our sky at a softened angle, dipping ever so gently toward the Tropic of Capricorn, autumn will soon be a fleeting memory.

Lost souls
Lost souls
By Stephen Eginoire
11/08/2018

Along a dusty side street in the Old Barrio near downtown Tucson, colorful, quaint buildings frame the crumbling remains of a 150-year-old adobe wall known as El Tiradito.

Boo!
Boo!
By by Stephen Eginoire
11/01/2018

“Hello? Who’s there?? What’s that noise?” Is that the spirit world gently rap-rap-rapping on your window?

High Rollers
High Rollers
By Stephen Eginoire
10/25/2018

More than 800 high school mountain bike racers from around the state, as well as a few from Wyoming and New Mexico, gathered atop Durango Mesa (formerly Ewing Mesa) last weekend for the Colorado High School Cycling League’s championships.

Read All in Day on the Life