Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

OMG, I flipped my lid over a huge mess today. In my fridge, in my cabinets, in my shower, in the garage - in everywhere various liquid products are in containers designed with the lid at the base. In other words, the lid, usually a flip style lid is upside down, or maybe it’s right side up; I don’t *&$%^@# know. Bottom line, the liquid leaks out of the lid and onto the shelves. Who the hell designed this? Some of these products, like the shampoo, are expensive! Do you deal with this problem? Do you have any suggestions?

– Flipped up and flipped out!

Dear Bust a Cap,

I have to say ... I don’t have this problem. Sure, some of my liquid products have the lids you describe – such as my mayonnaise squeeze bottle and other classy purchases – but they don’t leak everywhere. I think it’s because I close the lid the entire way. Maybe you could try doing that from now on?

– Blow my top, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Please help settle an important family dispute over who is better: SpongeBob or Bart Simpson. I

say SpongeBob, no contest. But the Gen Z-ers in the house think Bart is better. They also have the same initials, but reversed. Could it be that they’re really the same being in parallel networks? They’re both yellow, they both talk in that high-pitched nasal-y voice and they’re both pranksters. Coincidence? Or some kind of subliminal plot for total mind control?

– Living in a Pineapple Under the Sea

Dear Underwater Mortgage,

“Better” is such a relative term. Do you want your cartoon characters to ride a skateboard, or to mop up your kitchen spills? But I think the more pressing questions are ones of anatomy. Is that Bart’s hair, or is it his head? And where do SpongeBob’s internal organs go? They certainly can’t all fit in the sliver of sponge below his mouth. These are the answers America needs.

– Cowabunga, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

So lately, I’ve noticed this “blessed” trend on T-shirts, sweatshirts and other athleisure wear worn by a certain well-to-do segment of society. There is also the “#blessed” thing making the rounds on social media. So, what are these people trying to say and who have they been “blessed” by? The Pope? The Lizard King? And what are they trying to tell the rest of us? That although they are blessed and perfect, it’s too bad we aren’t? Seems a little bragadocious and pompous to say the least.

– #pretentious

Dear #cursed,

The REAL problem here is the use of hashtags on actual physical objects. I mean, hashtags are part of effective use of social media platforms. My water bottle does not need to say #hydrate any more than my dog needs to say #woof. Be blessed! I don’t care. But why do you need to be #blessed? Unless it’s by the Lizard King. Then I’m all over it.

– #secondworldproblems, Rachel