Ask Rachel

Ask Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,

When is it OK to take down the “thank you firefighters” signs? I don’t want to seem ungrateful or anything. They did an amazing job protecting our homes and controlling a horrible situation. But now the fire’s 100 percent contained, and the signs are starting to look a little weather-worn and obligatory. What are your thoughts?

– Moving On

Dear Cold, Cold Ashes,

If you put up any thank-you-firefighters signs, you can take them down whenever you please. But you know, the 416 is still burning. There are other fires too. So I guess as long as people want to show their gratitude, you’re going to have to deal with the apparent eyesores. But I’d say, let’s take them all down by Christmas, alright?

– No, thank you, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

One of my dear friends has this really annoying habit. She’ll respond to almost every text I send (that’s not the annoying part), but she re-

sponds to only about 25 percent of what I say. Not everything I share warrants a response, sure. But I can ask meaningful things, like “What time would you like me to come over?” and she’ll answer with something like, “So glad you’re coming!” Do you have any strategies for making sure all my important words get read and answered?

- Getting Skimmed

Dear Speed Read,

Does the same thing happen if you send only 25 percent of the information? You could be overloading her with too many things to respond to – never mind, screw it. I hate when this happens to me too. Read the damned texts, people. Read the whole thing. And then scroll back up to read them again and see if you missed anything. It’s like eye contact for texting. Do it.

– My eyes are up here, Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

I adopted a poinsettia after Christmas out of pity. I figured, these things infamously die by January anyway. I might as well give it a nicer home than the dumpster out back. But here we are, August, and it’s still alive. Maybe I’m inadvertently giving it what it needs, if just barely. But now we have a bond, and I’m starting to feel like I should look into how to care for it properly. Is that even feasible in Durango? Or should I just “forget” to water it for a while and wash my hands of the whole business?

– Holiday Blues

Dear Sucker,

Your first mistake was your compassion. Your second mistake was your reliability. Your third mistake was not getting out while you still had a chance. Now you’ve bonded with the thing, and worse, it’s bonded with you. I clearly don’t know much about poinsettias, but it’s all true for cats, so why not flowers too? You’re stuck with it. Unless you give it as a thank-you gift to some fire-fighters.

– Feed me, Seymour, Rachel

Top Shelf

No. 66, Starfire and glowing balloons
No. 66, Starfire and glowing balloons
By Chris Aaland
10/18/2018

For the past four years, my boy Otto has proudly worn No. 66 as the starting middle linebacker for the Durango Demons youth football team in grades 3-6.

Christmas for sports fans, SunSquabi and Cloonan
Christmas for sports fans, SunSquabi and Cloonan
By Chris Aaland
10/11/2018

October is that glorious time of year when all of America’s major pro sports leagues are active.

Cowboys, Shillelaghs and pared-down punk
Cowboys, Shillelaghs and pared-down punk
By Chris Aaland
10/04/2018

It’s going to be a multi-cultural week, with everything from dusty boots and kilts to Mardi Gras beads and dirndls. The 30th annual Durango Cowboy Poetry Gathering rides into town tonight (Thurs., Oct. 4) through Sunday.

Double golds, Led Zep reincarnate and the 70s
Double golds, Led Zep reincarnate and the 70s
By Chris Aaland
09/27/2018

After being shut out at the 2017 Great American Beer Festival, Durango craft brewers stood atop the podium again in 2018. At last weekend’s drunkfest in Denver, Ska won gold for its Oktoberfest in the Vienna-Style Lager category, and Steamworks did the same with its Colorado Ko?lsch in the German-Style Ko?lsch category.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Tales from the Crypt
Tales from the Crypt
By Stephen Eginoire
10/18/2018

The Grand Canyon is grand for many reasons: stratigraphy, whitewater, the South Kaibab Trail, the Little Colorado and solitude, just to name a few. But one of the least-known treasures found in the grandest of canyons is the abundance of mummified mammals dating back to the Ice Age.

Tripping Out on the Hallucinogen Wall
Tripping Out on the Hallucinogen Wall
By Stephen Eginoire
10/11/2018

The year was 1980. Disco had run its course, John Lennon left us with a hole in our hearts, and Mount St. Helens blew her top. And a few scrappy western-slope climbers made the Montrose Daily News.

The dry season
The dry season
By Stephen Eginoire
10/04/2018

Both austere and gentle, the desert is a place of contrast.

In Deep
In Deep
By Stephen Eginoire
09/27/2018

Hidden on the shoulder of a Utah mountain, a freezing, wet, abyss is attracting a small group of explorers dedicated to plotting a course through uncharted terrain found deep within.

Read All in Day on the Life