Ask Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Is there any more blatant indicator of the inherent rottenness of the human soul than group tipping? You know what happens... you’re out to dinner with a group of folks, and the restaurant doesn’t split the tab, and so you put the whole thing on your card and everyone else gives you cash. And somehow, you end up paying a 50 percent tip just to get the overall tip up to 15 percent. Why do people suck so badly at tipping?

– Tipped Off

Dear Tipper Gore,

Oh, people suck at tipping for all kinds of reasons. The biggest reason is that people just suck in general. The same people who will pay $8 for a cup of coffee can somehow sleep at night for giving their server a $2 tip instead of $3 because the ketchup bottle was plastic instead of glass. It’s not a tipping problem; it’s a human decency problem. I mean, come on. Who pays $8 for a cup of coffee?

– Gratuity included, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Now that the fair is over, I feel safe in speaking up. Why the heck do people get so worked

up over a bunch of livestock and carnival rides? I mean, we live in an area where you can go ice climbing and skijoring at 10,000 feet. What’s so exciting about riding a Ferris wheel up a hundred feet at slow speed? I just don’t understand the allure of the fair, and maybe you can help me understand it.

– Carney Conundrum

Dear Fair Shake,

I, too, stay off the county fair bandwagon. The only reason I knew it was approaching was the uptick of flies in my house. But perhaps we’re both on the wrong side of the fence here. Shouldn’t we be thrilled that, in this day of gadgetry and Instagramming from inside our homes, thousands of people get together in the out-of-doors to enjoy posting pictures of their carnival rides in public? Think about it.

– All’s fair, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

People’s sense of frugality baffles me. I’ll see people (*cough* my father *cough*) fight the laws of traffic and physics to get gas across the street because it’s a penny cheaper, and then those same people will grocery shop without looking at a single price tag. What twisted childhood upbringing leads to such erratic money consciousness?

– Penny Rich, Pound Poor

Dear Miss/Mister Moneypenny,

What? Is this “Ask Rachel About Money” week? It’s hard to fault your *cough* father *cough* because he must know the old saw, “A penny saved on gas means you can go bananas at the grocery store.” I seriously wouldn’t worry about his (or anyone else’s) little joys in life, like getting 0.008 more gallons of gas for the same price. It’s when he takes it out on the local waitstaff that you should disown him.

– Clippin’ coupons, Rachel