AskRachel

Dear Rachel,

What is the deal with “Durango punctual” around here? You say you’re meeting at noon, and everyone shows up at 12:15. A show starts at 7, and people start trickling in at 8:45. Reading a clock is not that hard, people! I expect this sort of man?ana attitude south of the Colorado border, but it drives me bonkers here. Can you explain to me why people think it’s acceptable to be so late?

– Time Keeper

Dear Punk Chool,

Clocks run slower at elevation. You see, it has to do with our extended difference from the Earth’s core. Don’t question my understanding of physics here! It’s science. There’s the observational phenomenon that everything runs slower in a mountain town. The only way to get people to be more punctual is to tell them there are free ski passes or Follies tickets at a specific time. Then, they’ll get there the night before.

– Fall forward and fall back, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I don’t always order from Amazon. But when I do, the shipments take a full day longer to arrive than advertised. Every single time. Two-day shipping? Three days. I get that Durango is remote and all, but for being the most advanced company in the history of the world, wouldn’t you

think Amazon would have recalculated its Durango shipping estimates by now?

– Shopaholi

Dear Prime Member,

I’d like to point out where we, as a human civilization, have come. You can order literally any commercially available product from your home and have it delivered to your home without any additional cost or effort on your part, in under half a week. And we are now complaining because it’s not here in even less than a week. I’m not singling you out, Shopaholic, because I gripe about the same exact thing. But here’s what I always say: If you want something today, buy it local. Or hold out for the Amazon drone.

– We appreciate your business, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

My friends and I need you to resolve a dispute. When weather turns wintry, which is the best way to drive to Denver? You can drive all the way down to Santa Fe, catch I-25 there, and get to Denver hassle-free in 10 hours. Or, you can brave Wolf Creek pass; risk life and limb and automobile; and if all goes very well, arrive in Denver in maybe eight hours. Tell me the sane option is the right one, right?

- Travel Planner

Dear Recalculating Route,

Here’s my question to you: why do you want to go to Denver? Winter here is more accessible, more beautiful and requires less driving because you’re already here. But if you insist on going to Denver anyway, then you’re wrong about either route. Time is different at elevation, but it’s interminable when you’re driving to Denver. It’s like an Escher painting; you just keep going, and going, and going...

– Are we there yet, Rachel