Banana-rama, proud moms and the last straw

Dear Rachel,

How many bananas is too many bananas for one person to eat? Not in some Cool Hand Luke scenario here. I just want to know how much of a person’s diet can be bananas and that person still be considered of sound body?

– B Anna Nas

Dear Lil Nanna X,

I’m not finding anything about a toxic threshold for bananas. I suspect your limiting factor is your stomach size, metabolism and personal banana threshold. Also, you have to eat the bananas when they reach personal ideal ripeness, ]n about four hours before they move beyond ] personal ideal ripeness.

– Not a medical provider, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Have you noticed how anti-LGBTQ+ people like to clutch the “think of the children” pearl on their outrage necklace? I bet most little kids fortunate enough to see a Pride Parade simply think, “Finally, a bunch of grownups who are willing to be themselves!” Maybe that’s what scares the anti-crowd … kids growing up to be themselves. Anyway, what I can do to be a better ally this Pride Month?

– Proud Mama

Dear Mother Figure,

Honestly, I’m shocked I don’t hear more about how Pride is one of the seven deadlies. Of course, not murdering is one of the 10 commandos, and we don’t think of the children enough to do much about that. I think you’re on the right track. Just keep telling all the people you know that you love them for being themselves. And then show them by backing them up every time someone tries to take that away from them.

– Being nearly 40% myself, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I’ve always taken a spin as the DD for in-town nights. But I made a big, big mistake. Some friends went to a concert in Taos, and we all decided not to splurge on accommodations and just drive back home. Three drunk friends in a car for four hours is a nightmare. I nearly wished for an elk to jump into the road. I will never do this again, but if ever I have the chance, what’s the best payback?

– Short Straw

Dear Chauffeur,

I don’t know about the BEST way, but a GREAT way to is to run into a grocery store with all the drunk friends and buy every banana in the place. Then tell your DD you all are going to test the outer limits of how many bananas one human can eat. Bonus: bananas help with hangovers!

– Always bananas, Rachel