Birthday boy, DNC letdown and lackluster library

Dear Rachel,

I’m a grown ass man. Coming up on 50. And my dear sweet mother still asks me every year for a birthday wish list. I appreciate the love and affection, but by now if we want or need something, my wife & I get it for ourselves. Can I tell my mother this? Or am I stuck asking for things to make her feel better?

– Wish in One Hand

Dear Ghost of Birthday Present,

Oh, you stuck. Motherly emotions know no bounds (or boundaries). The second you start telling her “I don’t want you to get me anything,” all she hears is “You don’t love me or need me anymore,” and then you know what you’re getting? Treatment you don’t want – but that you sure asked for.

– Another year older, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

There were all the rumors of Taylor (and Beyoncé) showing up at the DNC last week. But they didn’t come. I shouldn’t care, yet I think that if either (or both!) had shown up, it would have put this election in the bag for Harris. Should I read into their absence as political protest? Or just the reality that they would have stolen the show?

– Totally Sane Cat Lady

Dear Superfan,

All I read here is that we need a Swift/Knowles ticket. One is President the first night, the other is President the second night. Sometimes they come out and do a presidential duet. Sometimes they have special guest cabinet members. So what if they’re not political experts? They clearly know how to surround themselves with people who get shit done. International relations would improve, too: no other country wants a breakup song written about them.

– Woo girl, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

I love the idea of little free libraries. I don’t need to go into an actual library where they know about my overdue fees. Here’s the thing: Is it just me or do all little free libraries have basically the same handful of books? There’s always an old hardcover cookbook, a James Patterson knockoff, something from a Scholastic book fair ca. 1997, and a bodice ripper someone’s grandma wore out. How do we break the mold?

– Little Librarian

Dear Miniature Book Minder,

I love books. But you literally cannot give them away these days. Some thrift stores won’t even take them anymore. Yet we just keep printing them. Since it’ll never be OK to burn them, it’s either recycle or stuff them into cabinets on street corners. Maybe you could ask for different kinds of books for your birthday to stock the neighborhood library with some variety.

– On the last page, Rachel