Blowing it, rocket man and no boundaries

Dear Rachel,

Why have I known so many women who say they’re going to powder their nose when they go to the bathroom, especially in public? We’ve come so far in being able to talk about womanly things in public, and yet we apparently have so far still to go if women don’t feel they can say “I have to pee” or “Excuse me” or the old classic “I’m going to wash my hands” which is (I hope) true if not the whole truth. Can you shed some light on this euphemistic use of old makeup terminology in this day and age?

– Potty Broken

Dear Nosey,

Me personally, I like to shout “What’s that?” and point across the room. Then, when everyone is distracted, I run the other way to what I hope is the bathroom. If the bathroom is in the direction I pointed, well, then everyone’s out of luck. As for this nose-powdering business, I didn’t realize it was makeup-related. I thought it meant “I’m going to go snort some coke,” and I’ve always been disappointed those people don’t invite me.

– Snort, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I keep thinking about that Russian coup that didn’t quite happen. I also keep thinking about what a similar coup would look like here. Would it be Elon Musk marching with all his Tesla diehards from charging station to charging station? Or would it be something much less sinister than that?

– T.N. Foil

Dear Saran Wrap,

Um, we know exactly what a miserably failed coup here would look like. It looks like a very few people going to jail and everyone else walking free, while practically everyone in elected office downplays what happened. At least Elon whatshisname would make headlines for longer. Though I wish he wouldn’t. I wish he’d go up in a rocket that takes a wrong turn in Albuquerque.

– Power to the people, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

The more I think about state boundaries, the more ridiculous I think the whole thing is. I mean, the lines between any of the Four Corners states seem arbitrary at best and horribly misplaced at worst. Durango should be right on a freaking border. Everything south feels like New Mexico, everything north feels like classic stereotypical Colorado. Is there some history lesson here I should give myself?

– Riding the Line

Dear Poor Boundaries,

There are so very many ill-defined lines in our world. And they’re all invisible! The “You’re Leaving State X” sign and the “Welcome to State Y” sign are always close, but not touching. The state line is somewhere between them, but no one knows where! Same with the line between “making a joke about cocaine in the newspaper” and “not making a joke about cocaine in the newspaper.” My editor might have cut it out to save both our skins, but now that I’ve called back to it here, she’s stuck with it.

– Applying for statehood, Rachel