Booked up, arm candy and breaking wind
Dear Rachel,
Where do all the books go? They keep making them. Stores keep selling them. Some go to White Rabbit or the Humane Society. But for all the books printed every year, they have to go somewhere. I’d expect mounds of books in the streets. Don’t tell me some people are actually burning them or recycling them. It seems like a book shouldn’t be destroyed. But where do they end up? I need to know.
– Bound and Determined
Dear Book Ended,
Easy. They go into little free libraries. Just kidding. There aren’t enough little free libraries in the world. Frankly I do not know where these books go. It seems like some of them just disintegrate into thin air. Which is possible. I have this set of Narnia books from when I was a kid, and every time I move, there’s one fewer of them. Soon I’ll be down to just a lion and a wardrobe.
– Archival quality, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Yo, I just got the best compliment from a woman ever. She said she likes my arms. I don’t like my arms, but she does. Now all I want to do is work out my arms. But maybe she likes my arms just the way they are, and I shouldn’t try to make them any better? Or does this mean I should improve something else? Maybe my calves need to catch up? You’re a neutral party, and a woman, what do you think?
– Right to Arms
Dear Left to Limbs,
Just some random woman? Or one you’re actually, I don’t know, cohabitating with? Because if it’s the first, you already blew your shot. She wanted you to invite her out for a night hanging on your arm right then and there. And if it’s the second, it’s probably a nice ploy to get you to carry the garbage out or something. Which is also a decent way to flex those biceps.
– Armed and dangerous, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
I think I’m a pretty easygoing person. I’ll smile while finishing a hike in the rain. I’m game to get snowed in. But as soon as the wind cranks up, I crank up the cranky. I get tired, irritable and snippy. I hate cleaning grit out of my ears. But I also can’t afford to run away to a beach in Mexico every windy season. How can I hunker down and survive this?
– Winded Up
Dear Wound Tight,
I recommend building yourself a book fort. There should be endless construction materials floating around out there. Make it thick enough, and the sound of wind won’t permeate. Plus, you can read the writing on the walls! Or in the walls. One book at a time, and by the time you finish, we’ll be all the way back to next windy season, and you can start again.
– Turn the page, Rachel
-
- An Americana icon
- By Chris Aaland
- 08/31/2023
-
Folk Fest headliner on climate change, indigenous rights and summer road trips
-
- 'Matli crew
- By Chris Aaland
- 06/29/2023
-
Party in the Park returns with Latin rock supergroup
-
- The bottom of the barrel
- By Chris Aaland
- 08/19/2021
-
After 14 years, ‘Top Shelf’ hangs up the pint glass
-
- Back in the groove
- By Chris Aaland
- 07/29/2021
-
Local favorites the Motet return for KSUT’s Party in the Park
- Half a century
-
- 05/26/2022
-
A look back at the blood, sweat and gears as the Iron Horse turns 50
- Bottoms up!
-
- By Stephen Eginoire
- 05/27/2021
-
With this year's runoff more like a slow bleed, it is easy to let one's whitewater guard down. But remember: flips and swims can happen any place at any time.
- Cold comfort
-
- 12/17/2020
-
Seeking solstice solace in the dog days of winter
- A Grand escape
-
- By Stephen Eginoire
- 11/19/2020
-
Pandemic fatigue? Forget the world with three weeks on the Colorado