Burning question, doctors' orders and death wish

Dear Paper Pusher,

Clearly you DO read the paper, since you have formed an opinion of how I treat letter-writers like you. How else would you know? The town is not talking about me in eager tones each week, as if I’m a new episode of “Love is Blind” or “How Autocratic is America Now?” Maybe I should be more rude, seeing as that’s how you get to the tippy top of the pinnacle of the Most Respected Head of State Between (But Not Including) Canada and Mexico. A tip: you could start your fires from the warm embers of our nation’s standing.

– Up in smoke, Rachel

 

Dear Sked Yool,

I assume this is wishful thinking. If they tell you to get there early, you might actually get there on time. My real bone to pick is with the offices that send me the check-in paperwork online ahead of time – usually through something called a “portal” – then ask me to fill out the same paperwork – usually on something called a “clipboard” – while I wait to see the doctor, who is usually at least 15 minutes late.

– Contagious, Rachel 

 

Dear Money Shot,

For your edification, these things work a lot like the free (but not easy) weekly independent newspaper industry: You don’t get more or better newsprint to burn just because, say, a really great advertiser sticks with us. But if enough advertisers stop chipping in, you get no newspaper at all. The metaphor isn’t perfect, but hey, what do you expect when I might have measles by now?

– Stick it to me, Rachel