Carve wars, ice cream headache and pet peeved

Dear Rachel,

What is the hands-down best way to cut a hole in a pumpkin before carving it? Traditionally it’s a hole in the top with the stem in the middle. Others say to cut a hole in the bottom. One wacko friend insists on cutting a hole in the back. The internet has other various weird ways of doing it. So tell us. What is the definitive Rachel answer?

– Jack O. Lantern

Dear Gourdon Lightface,

Why have a separate pumpkin hole at all? I’m in the camp of cutting out a big ol’ mouth as the first step. Then take your hand mixer and stuff it in that pumpkin piehole and let ’er rip. Whisk out all those pumpkin innards and spill them out the gaping maw. Less fuss. Less exposed pumpkin flesh susceptible to shriveling. Less pointless arguing amongst your friends.

– Smashing, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Why is dairy so bad for a head cold? Ice cream makes everything else feel better. But apparently I’m not supposed to eat it when I have snot in my sinuses. I know I can do whatever I want, but it seems like the creamy stuff clogs up my face even more. It’s not fair, and I’m cranky about it. What light can you shed on this unfortunate truth?

– Milking It

Dear Snot-Nosed,

If you’re anything like me, it stems from a childhood where being sick meant no enjoyable things to make you feel better. We don’t stay home from school just to watch TV and bring ourselves some modicum of comfort! We stay home from school to suffer, because if we’re well enough to watch PBS and eat ice cream, we’re well enough to sit through arithmetic and get creamed in dodgeball.

– We all scream, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

My neighbor has issues with my dogs being dogs. But does he talk to me about it? Oh, no. He waits until I (a man) am out of town and berates my dogsitter (a woman) for my dog peeing on bushes along the sidewalk. I’m pretty nonconfrontational, but I want to be constructive with him and shut him down before he yells at any more of my friends. What do you think is the right way?

– Marking My Territory

Dear Boundary Patrol,

If you live in Colorado, you gotta be OK with dogs in public places. Them’s the rules. Your neighbor doesn’t want to hear that, though. I’d have a civil conversation where you let him know you heard about how he spoke with your dogsitter and that he’s welcome to speak to you directly. And if he continues? I can’t recommend other places for your dogs to do their business, but hypothetically, his Halloween pumpkins make great targets.

– Hiking a leg, Rachel