Cats away, lost in translation &?real talk

Dear Rachel,

I was walking on the river trail in Durango and, to my surprise, a woman was walking her cat on a leash. Cool. Great outing for the cat. But I wonder, does she need a leash or no leash? Cat under command. Leash law for cats? I did see her pick up the cat scat and put it in green bags. What a nice lady. And she was even talking on her smart phone at the time.

– Cool Cat and Dog Lover

Dear Cat Scat Fever,

Are you a lover of cool cats and dogs? Or a cool lover of cats and dogs? The modifier isn’t clear, and English syntax isn’t particularly helpful. More likely, it seems you are a lover of the green bags. I’ve had a plethora of letters the past few months having to do with those little verdant pooper scoopers. I love that they’re free at every park. I keep a bundle at home for storing my leftovers. Guarantees no one else will touch them.

– Also on my smart phone, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I understand the technology gap between young people and less-young people. It even goes both ways! Young people did not grow up with rotary phones or answering machines, so why should we expect them to understand them? But there are certain tech things that I can’t understand how old people even mess up in the first place. Like when they try to email a photo, and they swear it just won’t send, and you want to call them crazy, but yet you also aren’t receiving the picture. Do you understand it?

– Obsolete Tech Support

Dear Customer Representative,

You should know the customer is always, always right. If a picture won’t send, it doesn’t matter if they’re emailing from the computer but storing the picture on the phone. It’s your job to assure them you will pass the issue to the proper authorities, give them a false name and your direct line with two numbers transposed, and get on to the next one.

– Unplugged like an MTV special, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

You are a young lady that might know the answer. Why do young men want to kill so many people of all ages? Is it religion, color? What has happened to the USA? This didn’t happen in the ‘50-‘60s. So sad. I guess we older folks remember WWII and Korea. What the hell is going on? Free thinkers, think about your fellow humans.

– Nuns Not Guns

Dear Penguins Not AR-15s,

Welp, there goes my weekly allotment of snark and mayhem. You say this didn’t happen in your earlier decades. You know when else this doesn’t happen? Today. Literally everywhere in the world but this country. Of course it’s a mental health issue, but that detracts from what it really is: a gun issue, in a land where white men are free to act on their belief they’re superior to the rest of us. You can either get rid of the guns designed to kill lots of people, or you can get rid of the white men. If only those things weren’t equally unlikely, politically speaking.

– A poorly regulated militia, Rachel