Coffee conundrum, frenemies and family snubs

Dear Rachel,

Going for coffee is the perfect work meeting. Everyone knows you’re meeting for 30 minutes, and you don’t have to wait for a slow server to bring you a bill or anything like that. But it might be too good. I’ve started stacking up coffee meetings, and I can’t handle four or five cups a day. I feel like I have to get coffee with each client, because it’s like a social contract. “Going for tea” just doesn’t have the same ring. Help?

– Jitter Bug

Dear Hopped Up,

You… do realize there’s such a thing as decaf, right? It looks like coffee, it smells like coffee, and anyone who judges you for trimming back your caf doesn’t deserve to be your client. Still, I get the social pressure. My friends like to drink yerba mate, and I don’t like sharing straws, which is precisely why I don’t have friends anymore. So, maybe don’t offer to share coffee with clients, is my big advice here.

– Triple shot, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

My friend is an incredible friend. She is a good listener, will jump in to pick my kid up from school and defends me tooth and nail. But, she is also fiercely jealous. I said I might want to teach Pilates, and she says I can’t because that’s her thing. I thought about adopting a specific cat, and she jumped in and adopted him before I could. I don’t think she means to, but how can I get her to stop? 

– Sad Friend

Dear Outmaneuvered,

My two dogs are exactly like this. Best buds. Until the older one has a toy. Then the younger one cannot rest until he steals it. It’s the only time he ever wants a toy, too. I feel like you need to give your friend a toy. Make her steal the thing you don’t really want, then go for the thing you really want. It’ll give her something to chew on.

– Fetch, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

I technically have three step-brothers who are 15-20 years younger than me. One of them just graduated from high school, and I didn’t even receive an invitation or announcement. I thought I didn’t care, but turns out I do. Is this not a thing anymore? Or did I get snubbed?

– Guest Unlisted

Dear Distant Kin,

I’ve done my best not to associate with children ever since I ceased to be one. I have NO IDEA what kids these days are doing. But I have a hard time imagining that any tradition that involves guilting people into sending your kid cash has disappeared. So consider yourself lucky: you didn’t’ get hit up with guilt to slip your stepbro 20 bucks (or, with inflation, a couple Bennies). Take your earnings and treat yourself to a coffee. But just one.

– Outside looking in, Rachel