Corn hole gold, going big and pet peeves
Dear Rachel,
Now that the 2024 Olympics are over, I saw they are having break dancing as a sport. Hello! I think for the 2028 games they might have corn hole, pickle ball, frisbee golf and sling shot. Oh, and maybe ballet. What are your thoughts on this in the future?
– Jock Strap
Dear Cup Holder,
Where have you been? You did not see the Australian break dancing phenom DURING the Olympics? I’ve long heard the idea that they should have one normal person compete in the Olympics alongside all the world-class athletes so we understand just how advanced they are. We finally, this year, got that wish. The best reason for something like corn hole in the Olympics would be the inverse: I want elite athletes to make all the corn hole bros shut the eff up about how good they are.
– Finish them, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
My older brother is getting into the franchising game with a company you’ve never heard of, but it works the same as McDonald’s. This got me scheming. Have you ever thought of franchising? You could have “Ask Rachel” columns in every newspaper in the country, and every franchised Rachel would have to pay you a cut of their take. I’m not even gonna ask for a percentage for this idea, it’s just my gift to you.
– Fran Chiser
Dear French Eyes,
I like where your head’s at. Namely, your head is at the crossroads of more money for me, without more work for me. Which is why I’d like to bring you on as my franchise onboarding manager. You can keep a hefty 3% commission for every franchisee you bring into the fold. Land this in every paper in the country, maybe even a few in Canada, and you’ll have enough to buy a Happy Meal from your brother.
– Consistently branded, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
I’m a dog person. My girlfriend is a cat person. We don’t live together. But we travel together. We split expenses. I have to hire a dog sitter which is not cheap (even though I have a starter-kit dog). She just has to ask a friend to come over once and make sure the cats haven’t died. We do not split these expenses. I think we should, because a sitter costs more than my plane tickets and I can’t keep going like this. Do we split costs, or do we just split?
– Sitting on a Fence
Dear Splintered Sitbones,
This is classic. Your solution is fair, but it will never actually happen. Why? Because if Solomon taught us anything, it’s that a fair split is not a solution. You start pushing the issue, and she’ll just start taking trips without you, blowing through all that extra cash she has due to her self-sufficient pets. If you can pull this off, though, you have a good shot at making the Olympic team in whatever sport best utilizes your ability to do the splits.
– Taking half the baby, Rachel
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