Covering our holes, legalese and shed storm

Dear Street Workers,

Generic is the way to go here. Any word you could put in front of “hole” or “hole cover” is going to be warped, misinterpreted, mocked, laughed about, and generally ridiculed and snickered at. So let’s go with something that has no meaning whatsoever. How about just a letter? Start at the top: A-Hole Cover. Are there multiple types of these things? If so, just go on down the line: B-Hole Cover, C-Hole Cover, D-Hole Cover, and so on.

–CMA, Rachel

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Dear Rachel,

Dear Double Checked,

You’re not entirely wrong. It makes sense on a check (remember those?), because it would be really easy for someone to go start modifying your handwriting and tip themselves a couple extra zeroes. That said, I once proofread a purchase agreement for my folks in which the buyer forgot to add a fifty thousand (50,000) to the purchase price – and that might have been a big boo-boo, had we missed the discrepancy. So, even if it only pays off once in a million (1,000,000) times, it seemed worth it to my parents.

–The one (1) and only, Rachel

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Dear Rachel,

Dear Fuzzy Wuzzy,

The REAL question is, don’t you feel like all this hair going in the garbage is just a waste? When I was a kid and mama cut our hair, we always shook it off outside, “so the birds could use it.” Now I wonder if that was really the purpose, or if we were really just doing it to annoy the neighbor that didn’t like mama very much. Boy, I bet she wished our dog was a shedder like yours. So what do you do? Do you give the fur to the birds, even if it only gives our friendly neighborhood street sweepers something else to do besides rename their holes?

–Shed happens, Rachel