Damned kids, friendly avoidance & personal yeller

Dear Rachel,

I’m wondering why young people are coloring hair that god gave them. Green, red, pink, yellow, blue? Is it a protest of life or life style? I was getting drafted {ARMY} in the VIET NAM WAR in 1966. But joined the USAF. I saw young men burning draft cards. I understood it and said ok if they want to. But what’s up with the nose ring thing and hair color. Protest for what? Good for job interview?

– Silver Bullet

Dear Lead Slug,

I love how the straight-laced of the world struggle to understand why anyone would color outside the lines (or color anything at all). People color the hair that god gave them (but they grew themselves) because they want to. Maybe they want to protest. Maybe they just want to flip the magic birdie to squares who don’t understand them. But thank that hair-giving god that old people NEVER dye their locks to hide the whites that He gave THEM.

– Hairy business, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I am self-employed, which means I work about 16 hours a day, but how I structure those 16 hours is entirely up to me. I’ll often invite my friends to coffee or lunch, and one friend always turns me down because of the 8 to 5. That’s cool, I get it. But twice now I’ve seen him doing mundane things on work days, walking dogs or buying groceries, which proves he could reciprocate a daytime invitation if he wanted. Should I stop inviting him or call him out?

– Stood Up

Dear Flex Sched,

Your friend can do whatever he wants with his vacation days, or his sick days, or his federally-mandated 15-minute breaks. Or maybe he’s like the rest of us and taking advantage of a sanctioned run to the bank to squeeze in a few extra hours of personal time. Hair-giving god knows that fresh air and sunshine, or even the grocery store, is better than passing your forty-a-week playing Wordle knock-offs in the john. 

– Please RSVP, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I converted from a paper dayplanner to a certain web-based calendar a while back because the virtual one yells at me in ways my penciled-in commitments never did. I need that. But now I have acclimated to being yelled at. I ignore notifications and let email reminders clog my inbox. And I’m back to ignoring due dates and deadlines and other responsibilities. I need your advice for becoming a functioning member of society again!

– Days are Numbered

Dear Tally Marks,

You need an assistant. An actual human being to corral you, hand you sticky notes, schedule your haircuts, walk your dogs, froth your lattes and yell at you (timidly, at first, then louder as it becomes clear you won’t fire them for it). The trick, of course, is being able to afford this person. Maybe you’re richer than I am and this is no problem. But if money is tight, might I recommend someone with rainbow hair, because they are undoubtedly desperate for any job that will interview them.

– Always double booked, Rachel