Debbie Divine

Dear Diver,
Is hand sanitizer a good substitute for hand washing? I think it’s perfectly fine in most instances (other than no. 2), but my wife seems to think it’s just some kind of marketing ploy and that I am being “unhygienic.” But it’s gotta be better than nothing, am I right?
– Handy Man

Handy Man:
Your answer depends precisely on what kind of filth you are washing off your hands. All kinds of goop, guck, slime, poop, dust and dirt require soap. Hand sanitizer kills bacteria. Soap has the slippery power to wash crapola out of your wrinkles, crevices and pores.
– Diver Deb 

Dear Diver,
So this friend of mine just got back from a river trip and suddenly announces that, while on said trip, she got married to a guy on the trip that she hardly knows. The ceremony was performed by another trip member who had one of those mail-away preacher licenses. We’re not sure if this is legit, let alone legal, and think maybe she hit her head at some point during the trip or is suffering a case of “river romanticism.” But she claims it’s totally for reals. As a friend, is it time to step in or step aside?
– Jilted Bridesmaid

Jilted Bridesmaid:
Is your friend the type to act on an impulse? From your letter, it sounds like she might be. If so, how have her jumpstart decisions worked out for her? On a scale of catastrophe to synchronicity, where does her intuition usually point her? If you know this woman to be able to handle herself, then open your mind to the possibility that her shotgun wedding could have been somehow right for her, albeit according to a strange and personal logic. If she has terrible judgement, then you would do better to intervene immediately with pointed questions about this hubby that she dredged up from the river. Be as loving as you can.
– Debbie Does Diving  

Dear Diver,
So, I am opening a restaurant, and thought the name “Methane Hot Spot” would be good – you know, sort of a fracking/climate change theme, but all my friends say it’s a horrible idea. But I just think I’m ahead of my time. What does the diver think: genius or just dumb?
– Idea Guy

Idea Guy: 
Your concept for a fracking themed joint and your “Methane Hot Spot” are so far ahead of your time that they are out of this world. I am having a vision of a Methane Hot Spot on another, cleaner planet, one that humans flee to in the future once we have completely soiled Earth. Your restaurant should be a dirty dive bar, or a dingy diner full of 2000’s nostalgia, where patrons will go to remember the old and wasted planet we left behind.
– D.D.