Ditching dictionaries and dysfunction junction

Dear Rachel,

Florida governor Dee or Dah… whatever… saying no to the word gay in books. Well it looks like all dictionaries will be banded and the public will have lots of fire starter this winter. Your thoughts. I made a great living being GAY and am know world wide.

– Marvin Gay

Dear Starvin’ Martian,

You know what else dictionaries are good for, besides explaining all the meanings? Showing correct spellings. Some dictionaries even use the word in context, so you can be certain of its correct usage. I will say this, though: the worst, when some kid asks how to spell a word, is when the adult in the room says, “Go look it up in the dictionary.” That would be exactly like someone asking how to fix their life, and the adult in the room saying, “Go ask Rachel.”

– Always spelcheckd, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Well, what about the 14th and Florida intersection Malfunction Junction being fixed. How about a new name for the future project? I say Merry Go Round, or Mix Master Conjunction Junction, Whir-Lee Bird. We the people should have a say in it. Big lights on the intersection so as not to rear-end someone. Your thoughts on a new name?

– Street Walker

Dear Avenue Stroller,

First off, let’s not go with anything generic or negative. This is our town, after all. And that means naming should be sacred. It should also be distinctive, and it should be expensive. Sell that name to the highest bidder like it’s a sports stadium. The possibilities with words like “roll” or “spin” are limitless for a bike shop or a dispensary. Or, why not just name it Rachel?

– Take me for a whir-lee-bird, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Did you read about how AI killed its human controller (in a simulation, thank god) because the human was interfering with the AI completing its mission? The end of the world is nigh, and we’re going to celebrate it until it arrives. What can we do to help save ourselves? Should I stop using any kind of device so the AI can’t track me when the purge occurs?

– Save Our Skins

Dear Analog Intelligence,

Humans are going to wipe ourselves out one way or another. Doesn’t really matter if the robots do it for us, or the atmosphere does it, or nukes do it. Just in case, though, I’m deciding to be nice to technology. I say thank you to the credit card machine at the grocery store, and I pat my computer when I shut it for the night. I will say this for AI over humans, though: When the end comes, I’m relatively certain it won’t need a dictionary to write our fates.

– Dogeared, Rachel