Doggy style, oral armements and Millennial murder

 

Dear In-Fido-lity,

You’re not exactly cheating on your first dog by using her pet names again. I mean, I called my first S.O. “baby” but I was in like sixth-grade, and if I could never use that endearment again, I’d be boned (or not boned, as the case may be). You have carte blanche to reuse nicknames however you like. Or come up with some new ones. You seem like a creative type. Just don’t yell out another dog’s name at an inopportune moment. Trust me.

– Who’s a good stinker butt, Rachel

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Floundering Father,

As Winston Churchill once said, “A great many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” But yeah, actively endangering the lives and wellbeing of others simply to avoid the smallest of inconveniences is a weapons-grade d-bag move. There must be a bright side, right? I choose to hope that on the other side of all this, we’ll become a more tolerant world. Now that I’ve walked into the bank with sunglasses and a full face mask, I can’t imagine anyone trying to ban burkas ever again. Oh wait, I can.

– ’Merica, Rachel

 

 

Dear Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah,

Haven’t you heard that all good things must come to an end? Good news for you though! The Charlie Brown specials aren’t coming to any end. They’re streaming online this year (for free, even!) which means all those cool people without TVs can watch them more than ever before. If any one thing needs to come to an end, it’s this business about Millennials killing everything. After all, who raised them to be the way they are, Mr. Stinky Boomer Butt?

– Good grief, Rachel