Doggy style, oral armements and Millennial murder

Doggy style, oral armements and Millennial murder

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel,
I had my first dog for the past decade of my life. I called her all kinds of endearing nicknames, like Sweetheart, Booger, Peachy, Miss Fluffymutt (Ed. note: list reduced for space). I think I messed up, because now that I finally have two new dogs, I have nothing left to call them. Every nickname already belongs to Sweet Stinker Butt. Am I a rotten dog person if I just call my two new guys by their given names and only their given names?
– Papa Pumpkin Powder Puff
 
Dear In-Fido-lity,
You’re not exactly cheating on your first dog by using her pet names again. I mean, I called my first S.O. “baby” but I was in like sixth-grade, and if I could never use that endearment again, I’d be boned (or not boned, as the case may be). You have carte blanche to reuse nicknames however you like. Or come up with some new ones. You seem like a creative type. Just don’t yell out another dog’s name at an inopportune moment. Trust me.
– Who’s a good stinker butt, Rachel
 
 
 
 
 
Dear Floundering Father,
As Winston Churchill once said, “A great many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” But yeah, actively endangering the lives and wellbeing of others simply to avoid the smallest of inconveniences is a weapons-grade d-bag move. There must be a bright side, right? I choose to hope that on the other side of all this, we’ll become a more tolerant world. Now that I’ve walked into the bank with sunglasses and a full face mask, I can’t imagine anyone trying to ban burkas ever again. Oh wait, I can.
– ’Merica, Rachel
 
Dear Rachel,
Of all the things Millennials have killed, the most heinous now must be the Charlie Brown holiday specials. I just learned that the “Great Pumpkin” won’t air on network TV this year, and it looks like the same is true for the Thanksgiving and worst of all, the Christmas episode. Enough is enough! When will we put an end to this madness?
– It’s a Great Travesty, Charlie Brown
 
Dear Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah,
Haven’t you heard that all good things must come to an end? Good news for you though! The Charlie Brown specials aren’t coming to any end. They’re streaming online this year (for free, even!) which means all those cool people without TVs can watch them more than ever before. If any one thing needs to come to an end, it’s this business about Millennials killing everything. After all, who raised them to be the way they are, Mr. Stinky Boomer Butt?
– Good grief, Rachel

Top Shelf

Stay calm and folk on
Stay calm and folk on
By Chris Aaland
09/03/2020

KSUT streams virtual Four Corners Folk Festival this Friday
 

The father of folk
The father of folk
By Chris Aaland
08/27/2020

Remembering Pagosa festival founder Dan Appenzeller

 

Remembering two singing cowboys
Remembering two singing cowboys
By Chris Aaland
07/09/2020

More than a century ago, Ada Habershon and Charles Gabriel wrote what would become one of the most popular Christian hymns of all-time, “Will the Circle Be Unbroken.”

A secret mission
A secret mission
By Chris Aaland
06/25/2020

Gather the backyard 'quaranteam' for reimagined community concerts

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

A Grand escape
A Grand escape
By Stephen Eginoire
11/19/2020

Pandemic fatigue? Forget the world with three weeks on the Colorado

The living museum
The living museum
By Stephen Eginoire
10/15/2020
A day at the beach
A day at the beach
By Stephen Eginoire
06/18/2020

What does one do when their favorite summer swimming hole is teeming with reptilian and amphibian aquatic life?

Soaking it up
Soaking it up
05/21/2020
Read All in Day on the Life