Drinking the Kool-Aid, squeaky clean & bad batch

Dear Rachel,

I’ve known for a while now that my big sister is a loony toony evangelical caught up in whatever malarkey is shoved down their throats. She asked me to review a job application cover letter for her church, and I felt violated just reading it. Do I speak up and tell her that her denomination is creepers jeepers?

– Touched by an Angel 

Dear Hail Mary,

If I had a nickel for every time that telling a religious person their presentation was creepy actually worked to affect any change, I might have one nickel. Just think of work jargon. I bet “we’ll circle back” and “let’s put a pin in that” make, say, artistic types twitch in their sleep. That said, only you can decide if this is the cross you want to die on.

– Savior selves, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I just almost lost my new lady friend over my bathing habits. She is appalled that I wash my hair with soap. The thing is, I’m practically bald. What hair I have left is about 1/8” long. I’m basically washing skin on my head, not a scalp. Why blow through shampoo for that?

– Hairy Styles

Dear Bald Eagle,

I’d say you’re hanging on by one of your very short, very sparse hairs. You may be right. I haven’t been bald since I was admittedly too old to excuse it on being newborn, but I was still too young to shop for my own hair care regimen. I was using that No Tears Johnson & Johnson. Maybe you should use that and see if it helps you quit crying about it.

– Hair you go, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I have a conundrum. I am friends with the owner of one of the local cafes in Durango. Until recently, all the things I have tried from the business have been quite yummy. Recently, I bought one of their pastries that didn’t taste yummy. In fact, it was gross. I would hate to see people turned off to the business from one item. Do I tell or keep my mouth shut?

– Tortured Tastebudz

Dear Pained Tongue Bumps,

You absolutely do not keep your mouth shut. In fact, you open your mouth wide. Right across the table from your friend. Right after putting a bite of icky pastry in there. Make like a kindergartner and gag and shove that pastry lump out of your mouth with your tongue. They can’t miss that point. Unless, of course, baking is their religion. If so—tread lightly. There might be a bit of deity’s flesh in that dough.

– Buen provecho, Rachel